The end of my Molly girl:(

Today was a day that I really hate being an adult instead of a kid. I had to go to the hospital today to have a scope done - down my throat to look at my esophagus and stomach. It turned out alright, so I probably have to have my gall bladder taken out, as they think that's the problem.


After I left the hospital, Mom and I went to the vet's office to check on my dog, Molly. Molly started looking sick on Friday, then refused to eat anything from Saturday on. The vet said that her liver wasn't working, but they would try medications. When we got there today, though, the vet said she was worse and she looked bad. So I had to make a very adult decision that I didn't like. I had to decide to put my dog down. I sat with her, holding her head until it was done, which was quick. She's not in any pain now, which I'm glad. She was definitely the best dog ever and I know that I will miss having her here and snuggling up to me to give her Mommy love!

Molly didn't really like to have her picture taken that much. lol If she was "sitting", she always looked so regal!

That's my Molly girl!!

Unfair portion of life....

Sometimes, it seems as though life hits much harder than absolutely necessary. This has been one of those times.

This past week, my mother's brother passed away, my dad's medications have become out-of-whack and my mother's cancer has come out of remission. When life slows down, I'm pretty sure that I will have a good cry about all of it, but right now, it doesn't seem possible.

My mom's brother, Jack, died Monday (7/14) morning. In the afternoon, we had an appointment with Mom's oncologist because she's been having some all-too-familiar belly pain. Sure enough, he confirmed that Mom's cancer levels have jumped to 75, which means she is not in remission and the cancer is growing again.

We asked him to be completely honest and he said "OK, here it is: Ovarian cancer is strange in that the 1st time your cancer goes into remission is always the longest remission you will have. Each subsequent remission will be shorter than the one before it. So the 2nd will be shorter than the 1st, the 3rd will be shorter than the 2nd and so on." I think I have read that somewhere since it sounded familiar. I must have blocked it, though, because Mom's only actually been in remission for about 7 months. So yeah, if you do the math....it's not good at all.

You know those times that you don't think life is fair....this is definitely one of those times. I am definitely coveting your prayers for my mother and our family. We plan to have a healing service for her soon -- we just have to get back from this funeral to plan it. We also meet with Mom's oncologist Monday for some more test results and to set up her chemo schedule. So I will write more soon.

4th of July!!

On Friday, we celebrated America's Independence Day. I decided that we should have a party, so I got to cookin' in the kitchen!

I do have a tip. If you're going to add powdered sugar to make fondant or icing, you should turn OFF the KitchenAid mixer BEFORE adding the sugar. I honestly have not forgotten this since, well Mom said she never remembered me being so silly in the kitchen. lol So she decided to get a shot of my stupidity. It was a MESS to clean out of my hair!

Instead of making a big cake, I decided to make star-shaped cupcakes and decorate them with fondant. They were a big hit!


Mom & Daddy did the grilling together. Aren't they cute?! Circumstances turned out strange. Daddy actually had to work Friday until 8, so he was going to miss the party. He called in the early afternoon, though, because he had one of his horrible headaches. So we brought him home, gave him medicine & sent him to bed. Fortunately, the meds worked because his headache didn't go away, but it was better and he was able to enjoy the party!!

We set up the tables in the screened-in tent outside. I hate bugs when I'm trying to eat!

I pray that you all took a minute or two to really focus on the "independence" part of the day. We are so blessed to live in a country which we are free. I've lived where there is no governmental freedom, and let me tell you...I have a new appreciation for ours!

Last year during the summer, I decided that our house needed some changes. So I painted the walls in almost every room, even put down new carpet in some rooms.

This summer, I decided that we needed to spruce up the outside. When Grandma was alive, she had flowers everywhere in the yard. I wasn't usually able to help with any kind of gardening because of my allergies. When I was able to help, Grandma always told me that I had a brown thumb and she didn't want me to help. haha She had such a green thumb that it was ridiculous. I'll try to find some pictures of her flower garden to post sometime.

Anyway, this year I redid Grandma's flower garden. Here are pictures from when it was all first planted.

The hanging basket was SO pretty I couldn't resist it! I also spruced up the front porch with some new furniture! Well, I picked it out & Mom paid for it.

These flowers are in a "separator". It was originally used to separate cream from the milk after the cows were milked here on at our family's farm. My mom has many fond memories of those days!

These pansies are in Grandma's iron kettle.  She used this for making apple butter and stew, rendering lard and boiling water for laundry. Yep, my family's country alright. My mom can even remember Grandma using this kettle in her childhood.

This is Grandma's clematis around the wagon wheel. And yes, I just found out the wagon was actually used by my grandparents. I didn't realize they lived that long ago, but apparently they really did use a horse and wagon.

Yep, it's official. You can call us "Little White House on the Prairie".

I'm back...

So...I've gotten a little behind on my blogging. I promise there are reasons for that. 1) Life is kind of boring sometimes. 2) My internet was so slow that I couldn't put much on without getting disconnected. 3) Mom's been sick for the past couple of weeks.

Now, though, I have a better net connection, so we'll see if I will do better now. :)

I found some pictures from Mom's birthday cake that I made. My friend, Amanda, told me about an awesome marshmallow fondant recipe (usually fondant tastes gross). I think it turned out pretty good for my first fondant covered cake.

Here's the cake itself.

And I even made her a little one for her candle -- there's no way we could put 58 of 'em on the cake!

Daddy's birthday

Dad's birthday was May 18th. I didn't make the cake for his birthday. We'd just gotten back from Florida and school was still in session, so I was pretty busy then. We did have a party for him, though. I found a CD with some oldies that he loved!

Here he is cheesin it up with my gifts :)

Florida!

In about 8 hours, my family will be leaving for the airport where we will be flying into Tampa, Florida! Then we'll be driving to Lakeland to stay at my aunt's house. Now, many of you know that Florida is not my favorite place to be or live. But, after my short time of living there, I have come to appreciate the finer qualities it has to offer = beaches and shopping! I was never a beach-lover in my early years. Well, even in some of my later years. But I have to say something about that changed in the Philippines. I wouldn't want to be there everyday, but I have a great appreciation for the beach now! And shopping...hello! Discount stores with really cool clothes!!

So, this morning at church, our pastor gave his "shortest" message ever. The message was what he'd heard from God. "GO". Yeah...I say that he cheated because he did a lot of explaining before & after -- I call that part of the message, but I digress.

The message was to each individual and for us as a body. We're commanded to go. So he had us to seek where we were to go and what we were to go do. I heard people giving some great stuff, nothing really specific, but still awesome. When I really listened to the Lord and was honest, this is what I heard Him say. "Go and continue to seek my face. Go about my business on a daily basis. Go, be aware and fulfill the opportunities I place in front of you. Go about the business of waiting to hear from Me for the next step that I will show you. Go about these things daily and the day will come that I will release you from this waiting period and send you out again."

So, here I am....still waiting on Him. Waiting is an action, not simply twiddling my thumbs. I still have to be about His business -- seeing needs & filling them, being a blessing wherever I go -- right where I am at the moment. I know that the day will come that He will give me the next step and release me....until then I will continue seeking His heart.

Beautiful Spring Day!!

Wow! Have you been outside at all today? I pray that wherever you are, it was just as gorgeous as it was at my house! I never used to really love or appreciate springtime. I have allergies, so the onset of spring usually means onset of allergies. Fortunately, they haven't acted up yet!

As I was driving to town today, I realized that I hadn't really experienced spring for a while. In 2006, I was living in China -- no real season changes there. Last year, 2007, Mom was fighting for her life - chemo, surgery, etc. So I am more than ready for spring time this year!!

Plus, I am praising God for allowing people to have wisdom and intelligence to make medicines! Over a week ago, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. They're thinking I've most likely had it for at least 10 years, I've just had the bad symptoms for a year. Anyway, they put me on this new drug, Lyrica. (If you watch any TV, you've probably seen the ad.) It's taken a little while for my brain to not be woozy and we're still trying to get the right dosage. But, let me tell you something! I was more active in 12 hours today than I have been for probably the last 3 months altogether. I cleaned the house, like spring cleaning type. I went for a walk/jog....I know, me jogging haha I baked cupcakes for church dinner on Sunday....I had to make the cake mix from scratch because I had apparently used the last box for Chelle's birthday. I went to town to do a little shopping, stopped by and took Mom flowers at work. I know these sound like things most people do everyday, but I honestly haven't felt well enough to be that active for a long time!

While I was walking today, I kept looking toward the sky, knowing I was ravishing Jesus' heart by glancing at Him. But I also realized how much He ravishes my heart in the little things as well as the big. Everything was green, beautiful, fresh. And I felt pretty good. Oh, how I love my Jesus...and I know He loved me first!!

Wow...it's been a week. Just wanted to share some awesomeness God revealed to me more deeply this week.

For a while, I've been reading and meditating in the book Song of Solomon. This past week has been specifically on 4:9....."You have stolen (ravished) my heart, my sister, my bride. You've stolen (ravished) my heart with one glance of your eyes....."

I truly believe this book to be a paradigm of how Jesus, the Bridegroom, relates to us, His Bride. Following that logic, these words are spoken by the Lover, the Bridegroom....spoken to His Beloved, His Bride. I'm not for sure that I can convey this over the internet completely, in fact I'm sure I can't. But here's what I realized. I really meditated upon that...."you have ravished my heart, with one glance of your eyes." I have ravished, or stolen, the heart of Jesus. Take a minute to really dwell upon that. Me, you, each of us individually.....with all of my flaws, failures and sins....one glance, one simple glance of my eyes in His direction steals/ravishes the very heart of my Lord!

Then I was listening to worship music by Misty Edwards...she was singing this exact verse. Then the lyrics/worship went on to say "I hear you say as you gaze over the balcony of Heaven.....Oh angels, oh angels, look and see - through that dark night of faith, she is gazing at Me! oh angels, oh angels, look and see - through that cloud of unknowing, she's gazing at Me!" That completely hit me! When I'm in those unknown places, when I'm in the dark places - facing all kinds of junk....in those times when I look at Him, I'm not only stealing His heart. He's so moved at my glancing at Him that He's shouting at the angels to look & see....He's moved to the core. One time, I had this picture in my mind...that group of guys you see walking together, one in the center looks at a girl he likes. When the girl looks back at him & smiles...you know the scene, the guy tells his friends "did you see that? She totally looked at me! She's totally into me!" It's like Jesus is talking to the angels saying "did you see that? I love her soo much! She just looked at me! Did you see?!?!"

I know that when people are in a relationship, knowing that they've stolen someone else's heart - that they've ravished someone else's heart, it's an amazing feeling...one that most married people I know can't quite put into words. That's exactly what I have been experiencing this past week more than before. I, ME, I have stolen His heart. He loves me as no earthly lover ever could. I don't have to look a certain way, smell a certain way, do any certain things -- just glance at Him and it steals His heart!

OK, well, that was longer than I intended, but I pray that you will meditate upon that Scripture. And I pray that God will show Himself as the ultimate Lover of your soul. Maybe you'll end up like me -- this past week, I have caught myself glancing up toward the Heavens & feeling giddy. In the tough times, I'm glancing toward the Jesus and feeling loved and ravished in a way I've never experienced! I pray that He will reveal to each of you what your worth is in His eyes. That He will help you to understand how much He loves you and how much valued by Him!

Waiting...

I was checking different accounts and pages tonight on the internet and realized that I haven't put anything new on here for a while. So here goes. :)

Mom's last chemo treatment was November 13th and she's still in remission! She's been extremely tired lately, maybe more than ever. So if you could please remember her in prayer, it would be appreciated. They said that it could take her body up to a year to rid itself of the chemo & its side effects. We are extremely thankful for how well she's doing, though, and we know it's only by the grace of God!

I find that I don't update much because it seems as though my life doesn't really change often. You probably know that I had a job interview back in October that I was totally stoked about. The position I interviewed for was an Abstinence Educator that goes into public schools teaching the message of abstinence over safe sex. It seemed like a perfect job for me, the interview went really well and all I had to do was wait 2 weeks for them to make a decision.

Well, I got an email stating they had decided not me. I was bummed, but I had so many of you praying God's Will for me that I know He has some reason. I don't understand His plans so much of the time, yet I know within me that His ways are always best.

So, after finding that I didn't get the job and having just a rather "blagh" month, I decided to do something for myself! I called my beautician and made a hair appointment. The picture below is the result. I am absolutely loving it!! I wanted purple highlights too, but realized that maybe a substitute teacher shouldn't do that. (At least not if I want to work & make money!! haha)

What am I doing now? Well, I'm waiting on God. I've been told that sounds like a generic answer that gives me freedom of responsibility and decision-making. That's not at all true, though. I was taught once by a very wise minister that waiting on God is not the same as doing nothing. While I'm waiting for Him to show me His next step, I'll keep seeking His Will to follow correctly. But more importantly, I am seeking Him....seeking His face, His presence. And, ya know what, in the moments where I earnestly seek Him, He lets me find Him. And those moments are worth far more than anything else could ever be!

This was after being in RAINY (i.e. frizzy) air all day!