He Says I'm Enough

We go through seasons in this life. Some seasons are short, others seem to last an entire lifetime, while most fall somewhere in between. And we never know how long the season will be until it’s over. During prayer and worship the other night, I didn’t go up to the altar for prayer partly because my heavy heart was affecting my feet, but mostly because I couldn’t find a way to put my heavy heart in to words. So, in between tears and sobs, I was trying to praise God’s goodness and claim His promises. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I had no problem praising His Name, for He is great and greatly to be praised. I was just desperately struggling to claim His greatness in my life.

You see, my heart was struggling. As of late, it seems that no matter what I do, the message I get (sometimes external other times internal) is that I’m not enough, haven’t tried hard enough, haven't loved enough, and haven’t given enough...I’m unaccepted, undesirable, unworthy. And it’s left me exhausted and feeling dreadfully inadequate. And I have a feeling I’m not the only one who has ever struggled in a season like this.

While I was sobbing, a friend was praying amazing things over me. And while I was sobbing, I was agreeing with her, praying and hoping those things were or would be true. And my heart felt calmed, that someone believed I was enough and worth time. Then, my friend kept her hand on my arm, but she was far enough away I could no longer hear what she was praying. And I felt myself longing to hear that she believed I was worthy of prayer, worthy of her time, worthy of God’s time.

And then God spoke to me. I was looking for assurance from outside sources, but as His child, I should be looking only to Him. He says that I am enough, beyond enough and worthy of His time and love. Even when I struggle, even when I fail, I am enough through Jesus’ blood and my willing heart, I am enough for Him. People, both from inside and outside of the Church, may tell you that you will never be enough – never smart enough, fast enough, talented enough, kind enough, compassionate enough, never enough. But God says that’s not true! His love isn’t based on performance. He says I’m enough because He created me! I’m important to Him! I am worth enough to Him that He sent His son to die on the cross in my place! He delights in me! He says my face is lovely and my voice is sweet! And beloved, He says the very same things about you too! And that’s so beautiful, because after all, His opinion is the only one that matters!

What you might not realize about your worship leader

I’m working on the set list for tonight’s worship & intercession gathering.  And, it’s the 14^th anniversary of 9/11.  And, there have been hearings taking place this week in Washington DC regarding the funding of Planned Parenthood.  And, on a less national level, there are a million other things going on in my life and in the lives of those I love.

And my heart cares about each and every one of these things.  And many times throughout my day, I am in prayer for many of these issues…while still keeping on the task at hand.  Sometimes, though, my heart is broken so deeply that I have to take a break from what I’m doing and simply go before the Throne of God, fall on my knees and weep.  And in the midst of all of this, I have to set aside time to seek His heart for others, to hear what He's wanting to share.

After thinking about a conversation I recently had with a friend, I thought I'd share a few things you might not realize about your worship leader...

First and foremost, I want the Lord’s heart to be heard anytime I’m leading worship.  I take the privilege of leading God’s people into His presence very seriously.  Though it may seem like picking out 6-8 songs is an extremely easy task that can be done in 10 minutes, that’s not how I (or most worship leaders) go about it.  I try to spend time with the Lord, seeking His heart and His direction.  Do I miss the mark at times?  Yes, definitely, I’m human.  But that still doesn’t mean I haven’t sought Him and His heart towards you.

Sometimes when I’m leading, I will hear the Holy Spirit give me a song that I hadn’t originally put in the set…and there will be no words on the screen.  Sometimes I miss it when I’m prepping.  Sometimes, sometimes that’s just how the Holy Spirit moves.  Sometimes it’s a test of my faith…will I follow His leading rather than trust my own?  Sometimes, there’s one person in the midst whose heart needs to be reached.  I don’t pretend to understand why God does what He does, He is God, and I am not.  So, if there aren’t words on the screen and it’s a song you don’t know by heart, don’t check out.  Press in, seek Him.  I’ve had people tell me “I didn’t know that song, so I just prayed and He shared [insert care of His heart] with me…and I was so moved by feeling His heart!”  Want to know something?  Most of the time that was the care of His heart He was sharing with me too! 

Sometimes we will sing the same song (or songs with similar message) more than one time in a month…sometimes even weeks in a row.  God wants to share His heart…always.  And during some seasons, He wants our hearts to be heavily burdened for specific cares of His heart.  Please don’t think me to be lazy and that I simply re-use the set list from last week.  And know that if we’ve done the same song 3 weeks in a row, I’ve probably spent time reminding the Lord of that very fact.  But when I stand before Him, I will not be accountable to you, only to Him.

Sometimes we will sing the same line or chorus multiple times.  This is not because I didn’t plan ahead with enough songs to fill the service, nor is it because I simply like the tune (though I very well may!)  It’s again something I am hearing in my spirit.  I know not everyone likes to sing the same line over and over.  I would encourage you to quit just singing it.  Make it the prayer of your heart.  Remember Revelation 4:8 – the 4 living creatures around the Throne declare “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!” and the Word says they NEVER cease, DAY and NIGHT.  For me, realizing that this is what they do for ALL eternity…kind of puts singing “You are my King” 12 times into perspective.  It’s not because of “liking” a song…it’s simply declaring Truth and because He is worthy!

There are days when I’m not “feeling it”.  You know what I’m talking about.  You have days when you’re getting ready for church, worship, whatever and you’re like “meh, I’ll go sit in the seat because that’s what I’m supposed to do”.  I have those days too…only I’m behind my keyboard with your eyes on me.  I’m not a fan of the “fake it til you make it” teaching because I desire to be authentic.  I am, however, a huge fan of Psalm 100:4 “Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise!  Give thanks to Him; bless His name!”  If you take but a moment to lift your eyes off of your circumstances & choose to be thankful for all He has provided, you can sing “Blessed Be His Name” even when it feels like all hell is crushing in on you!  Again, He is worthy regardless of what’s going on in our lives!

There are times I have to remind myself - this is not about you and it’s not about me.  Times when my throat is scratchy from allergies, when my foot is cramping from standing behind the keyboard for over an hour, when someone has said something so hurtful I just want to be alone and cry - this isn't about any of those things.  It’s about Him!  The uncreated God of the universe, who created us and gave us life, who CHOOSES to LOVE us…He also longs to hear our voices & see our faces!  And He loves our weak love, and loves to hear our weak “yes”.  He is Worthy of all worship!  Not just the songs we sing, but of lovers of Him to live lives of complete obedience and reckless abandon!

I count it an honor and privilege to serve God and His people.  He knows exactly how terribly short I fall each and every day, yet He blesses me with opportunities to serve Him!  

New Year's!!!

For the second year in a row, I was blessed with the opportunity to spend 5 days in Kansas City, MO at the Onething conference! It was such an awesome time!! This year the conference had an emphasis on End-times, which proved to be beyond interesting! We headed out Dec 28th & came back Jan 1st. I believe there were 18,000 in attendance - it is always so awe-inspiring to be amongst such a large number of like-minded people!

For New Year's Eve, we had 2nd row seats on the left side...so we were pretty close to the stage. The people in front of are the "dancing" section.

My camera didn't want to take very good pictures. Plus, I'm so short, I couldn't get a good view of the arena.

I stole, ehem, borrowed this picture from the IHOP facebook site. It's a clearer shot of the stage & attendees....from about 1/4 of the way back from the front! It was packed! The worship & teachings were absolutely amazing (as always)! And the time we spent as a group, fellowshiping with and ministering to one another were beyond words!