Another School Year Begins...

Yesterday was my first day of subbing in this new school year. On my way to school, I was thinking about how I have been subbing off and on for a long time. And I found myself praying for the students, as I often do. And praying for me, for patience, grace and that the students can see Jesus in me. Well, as I was driving home yesterday, I realized that even though I forgot to pray for it, I was thankful that I had seen Jesus in my students.

I had a high school student to ask "Miss Weaver, are you ever going to get a real teaching degree and become a real teacher? You've been subbing forever."
I smiled at him, then replied "Well, I have a Master's of Arts in Teaching, so I think that counts as a real degree. And, I also have a teaching license, so I believe that makes me a real teacher. Now, I think what you're really wanting to know is why I keep subbing and don't have a full-time teaching position. And that reason is - I take care of my father who can't live by himself since my mother passed away, and my first priority is being here for him."
The student replied "I am so sorry, now I feel like a jerk. You're doing a good thing and I made fun of it. I really am sorry, Miss Weaver, I promise I didn't mean any disrespect."

I told him that no harm was done, that we were cool and assured him that he wasn't a jerk, at least not this time. lol :) We all chuckled and the keyboarding lesson resumed.

I wish that adults could learn to be kind and understand someone's situation before judging them. I can't count the number of times I've been called irresponsible, lazy or immature by adults who know my situation, some who are even my friends yet say these things behind my back. I may not always enjoy this season of my life, but I know that God will always remember my obedience to do what He's asked me to do. And that far outweighs peoples' opinions of me.

What you might not realize about your worship leader

I’m working on the set list for tonight’s worship & intercession gathering.  And, it’s the 14^th anniversary of 9/11.  And, there have been hearings taking place this week in Washington DC regarding the funding of Planned Parenthood.  And, on a less national level, there are a million other things going on in my life and in the lives of those I love.

And my heart cares about each and every one of these things.  And many times throughout my day, I am in prayer for many of these issues…while still keeping on the task at hand.  Sometimes, though, my heart is broken so deeply that I have to take a break from what I’m doing and simply go before the Throne of God, fall on my knees and weep.  And in the midst of all of this, I have to set aside time to seek His heart for others, to hear what He's wanting to share.

After thinking about a conversation I recently had with a friend, I thought I'd share a few things you might not realize about your worship leader...

First and foremost, I want the Lord’s heart to be heard anytime I’m leading worship.  I take the privilege of leading God’s people into His presence very seriously.  Though it may seem like picking out 6-8 songs is an extremely easy task that can be done in 10 minutes, that’s not how I (or most worship leaders) go about it.  I try to spend time with the Lord, seeking His heart and His direction.  Do I miss the mark at times?  Yes, definitely, I’m human.  But that still doesn’t mean I haven’t sought Him and His heart towards you.

Sometimes when I’m leading, I will hear the Holy Spirit give me a song that I hadn’t originally put in the set…and there will be no words on the screen.  Sometimes I miss it when I’m prepping.  Sometimes, sometimes that’s just how the Holy Spirit moves.  Sometimes it’s a test of my faith…will I follow His leading rather than trust my own?  Sometimes, there’s one person in the midst whose heart needs to be reached.  I don’t pretend to understand why God does what He does, He is God, and I am not.  So, if there aren’t words on the screen and it’s a song you don’t know by heart, don’t check out.  Press in, seek Him.  I’ve had people tell me “I didn’t know that song, so I just prayed and He shared [insert care of His heart] with me…and I was so moved by feeling His heart!”  Want to know something?  Most of the time that was the care of His heart He was sharing with me too! 

Sometimes we will sing the same song (or songs with similar message) more than one time in a month…sometimes even weeks in a row.  God wants to share His heart…always.  And during some seasons, He wants our hearts to be heavily burdened for specific cares of His heart.  Please don’t think me to be lazy and that I simply re-use the set list from last week.  And know that if we’ve done the same song 3 weeks in a row, I’ve probably spent time reminding the Lord of that very fact.  But when I stand before Him, I will not be accountable to you, only to Him.

Sometimes we will sing the same line or chorus multiple times.  This is not because I didn’t plan ahead with enough songs to fill the service, nor is it because I simply like the tune (though I very well may!)  It’s again something I am hearing in my spirit.  I know not everyone likes to sing the same line over and over.  I would encourage you to quit just singing it.  Make it the prayer of your heart.  Remember Revelation 4:8 – the 4 living creatures around the Throne declare “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!” and the Word says they NEVER cease, DAY and NIGHT.  For me, realizing that this is what they do for ALL eternity…kind of puts singing “You are my King” 12 times into perspective.  It’s not because of “liking” a song…it’s simply declaring Truth and because He is worthy!

There are days when I’m not “feeling it”.  You know what I’m talking about.  You have days when you’re getting ready for church, worship, whatever and you’re like “meh, I’ll go sit in the seat because that’s what I’m supposed to do”.  I have those days too…only I’m behind my keyboard with your eyes on me.  I’m not a fan of the “fake it til you make it” teaching because I desire to be authentic.  I am, however, a huge fan of Psalm 100:4 “Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise!  Give thanks to Him; bless His name!”  If you take but a moment to lift your eyes off of your circumstances & choose to be thankful for all He has provided, you can sing “Blessed Be His Name” even when it feels like all hell is crushing in on you!  Again, He is worthy regardless of what’s going on in our lives!

There are times I have to remind myself - this is not about you and it’s not about me.  Times when my throat is scratchy from allergies, when my foot is cramping from standing behind the keyboard for over an hour, when someone has said something so hurtful I just want to be alone and cry - this isn't about any of those things.  It’s about Him!  The uncreated God of the universe, who created us and gave us life, who CHOOSES to LOVE us…He also longs to hear our voices & see our faces!  And He loves our weak love, and loves to hear our weak “yes”.  He is Worthy of all worship!  Not just the songs we sing, but of lovers of Him to live lives of complete obedience and reckless abandon!

I count it an honor and privilege to serve God and His people.  He knows exactly how terribly short I fall each and every day, yet He blesses me with opportunities to serve Him!  

I'm done with it all!

I'm done with it all! Really. I'm done! I'm done with letting people decide my worth. I'm done with letting the approval or rejection of man define who I am. I am done trying to do what I think people want me to do. I am done living my life trying to receive praises and avoid rejection of people - even those that I love and love me.

My identity is determined by God and not by people! If I could keep my brain and heart wrapped around that fact, I'd be in good shape. And if I could get other people to realize that, I'd be in better shape. Or maybe it's just that I need to remind myself that other peoples' opinions don't matter.

It's amazing how we, even as followers of Christ, let people's opinions of us count so much. In Galatians 1:10 Paul asks "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Did you get that one part? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. This is some serious stuff. He's saying that living for the approval of man can cause us to not be considered a servant of Christ.

I've been learning a lot of really weighty and deep things lately regarding the praises and rejections of man. But I'm not always that deep, so I've had to bring some of these truths down to my level. Here's some of what God's been teaching me.

His opinion is the only one that matters. There will be times that what He's calling me to do make no sense to anyone - even others that follow Him, but I'm still expected to follow Him. If I can allow myself to feel good by the praises of man, I'll surely be deflated by man's rejection.

When the day comes that I'm standing before my Lord - face to face, and I'm required to give an account of how I obeyed/disobeyed Him, how I followed/didn't follow Him and whether or not I've pleased Him - it all boils down to one thing. When I'm standing before my Lord, the opinions of people (even those that I love and that love me) will NOT count for anything. What WILL count is His opinion of me. Knowing that I will stand to give an account before Him encourages me to live my life for Him and only Him, regardless of any opinion of man.

Waiting...

I was checking different accounts and pages tonight on the internet and realized that I haven't put anything new on here for a while. So here goes. :)

Mom's last chemo treatment was November 13th and she's still in remission! She's been extremely tired lately, maybe more than ever. So if you could please remember her in prayer, it would be appreciated. They said that it could take her body up to a year to rid itself of the chemo & its side effects. We are extremely thankful for how well she's doing, though, and we know it's only by the grace of God!

I find that I don't update much because it seems as though my life doesn't really change often. You probably know that I had a job interview back in October that I was totally stoked about. The position I interviewed for was an Abstinence Educator that goes into public schools teaching the message of abstinence over safe sex. It seemed like a perfect job for me, the interview went really well and all I had to do was wait 2 weeks for them to make a decision.

Well, I got an email stating they had decided not me. I was bummed, but I had so many of you praying God's Will for me that I know He has some reason. I don't understand His plans so much of the time, yet I know within me that His ways are always best.

So, after finding that I didn't get the job and having just a rather "blagh" month, I decided to do something for myself! I called my beautician and made a hair appointment. The picture below is the result. I am absolutely loving it!! I wanted purple highlights too, but realized that maybe a substitute teacher shouldn't do that. (At least not if I want to work & make money!! haha)

What am I doing now? Well, I'm waiting on God. I've been told that sounds like a generic answer that gives me freedom of responsibility and decision-making. That's not at all true, though. I was taught once by a very wise minister that waiting on God is not the same as doing nothing. While I'm waiting for Him to show me His next step, I'll keep seeking His Will to follow correctly. But more importantly, I am seeking Him....seeking His face, His presence. And, ya know what, in the moments where I earnestly seek Him, He lets me find Him. And those moments are worth far more than anything else could ever be!

This was after being in RAINY (i.e. frizzy) air all day!