He's Always There and He Always Loves

Today would have been my mom's 67th birthday. My flesh wants to scream how it's entirely unfair that I didn't get to celebrate any birthdays with her past her 59th. Then my mind logically reminds me that many people don't even get to spend 30 birthdays with one or both parents. And a lot of people aren't close to their parents or don't get along with them well. And I was very fortunate to be very close to and get along amazingly with my mom. As I transitioned from childhood to adulthood, she became my best friend. She was the person I talked to every day (or almost) because I wanted to (not like many people's "dutiful" calls to parents). She was my earthy rock, my anchor, my sounding board.

Oh, don't get me wrong....she was my mom first and foremost, until the end. Even when I was her caregiver, she would let me know if she thought I was getting too big for my britches and needed to be knocked down a level or two...she had no qualms going full mom-mode to let me know. Now when I catch myself behaving in a manner or pulling an attitude she wouldn't have approved, I can hear her voice, "Listen here, little girl...." When my mom called us "baby girl", it was always out of sweetness - something nice was to follow. But when she called us "little girl"...well, let's just say it had an edge to it. And you probably weren't going to enjoy what followed. lol But I know it was out of her love for me, her desire to see me become who God intended me to be. She loved me too much to let me start down or stay on a wrong path.

Today, I got good news. And, like every time I get good news, the first person I wanted to share the news with was my mom. Oh, I called and messaged a few people. But almost all were super busy, life is hectic for all of us. And you only get a few people that will drop everything to celebrate with you like your momma. And knowing it was her birthday caused it to sting a big more. So, I missed her today...

And I told God about it. I told Him it's not fair. I told Him that I was angry that He didn't heal her. And that she died. And I cried, like mean, ugly cried. (There are less than a handful of people that have seen me do this in person and not a whole lot more that I've ever admitted it to...just because it's not a usual response for me, and I'm not normally inclined to share when it is.) And then everything took a turn south. I told Him of my anger about being here all alone. I followed His voice and said no to relationships that most likely would have ended in marriage....only to be almost 38 and still single. He sent spouses to all of my close friends and they left. I've made new friends, but they have other, older, closer friends. He'd left me here all alone...I'm nobody's first thought in the morning, nobody's first call to share news. And I told Him I didn't appreciate it!

And God was, as He always is, a patient Father. He didn't leave. When I was done, He didn't scold me, He didn't punish me. He let me feel His arms wrapped around me. He calmed my spirit. He gently reminded me of the truth I've shared with others...that "fair" isn't what we really want..."fair" is punishment for our sins - eternal separation from God. He reminded me that He had given me to an amazing mother. He reminded me that we live in a fallen world, a world where sickness and disease are a reality...and that I'm beyond thankful she's not suffering or in pain anymore. He reminded me that He did heal Mom, just not in the way my heart desired. He reminded me that this life is "but a vapor" and I'm almost 38 -- quite possibly at the half of a vapor mark myself. In the grand scheme of eternity, we all only have a few seconds on this earth. He never promised us how long we'd have, but He promises to never leave us. And I know that He's never left me. Then He reminded me that if my mom were here & I was crying to her about all of these things, she would probably give me a "baby girl/little girl" combo. lol "It's OK, baby girl, you're gonna make it, you're strong and God will give you His strength." Followed by, "Now, listen here, little girl, it's time to quit feeling sorry for yourself and start being thankful for what God's blessed you with!"

And then I giggled, and my eyes leaked some thankful tears. Thankful for His great love for me. Thankful that He doesn't leave me, that He listens to me - yelling and all. Thankful that He's so patient with me. Thankful that I could imagine what my mom's response would be. Thankful that I am truly happy she's not in pain. Thankful that I know on the day I see Him face to face, I'll also see my sweet, feisty momma!

Grief that's Real for Singles Too

Have you ever noticed what happens in many churches when a couple comes forward to ask for prayer after sharing they’re struggling with fertility issues but desire to have a family? The Church comes up, surrounds them and covers them in prayer, asking God to bless them with a baby. And then after prayer, many of the church come forward with hugs, words of encouragement and telling them it’s OK to cry and grieve. Then they go home together and share their grief with one another, cry together, cry out to God together.

Have you ever noticed what happens in many churches when a single adult comes forward to ask for prayer after sharing they’re lonely and desire to have someone to share life with and one day have a family? The church may pray for God to send them a spouse. Afterwards, some will come give them a hug and word of encouragement, but many of the church will come up to the single person to tell them that “God is their spouse”, they should “learn to be content” and don’t forget “God is more than enough”. Or my personal favorite (that was actually said to me when I was 32, in a not-so-supportive tone) “God may have the right one out there for you. If He does, then you can finally grow up, settle down and learn what REAL problems are.” Yeah, you’ve guessed correctly that this person made the “I'm not gonna shed any tears if her room in God's mansion in Heaven is FAR away from mine” list. Then the single person goes home, feeling more alone than before, and many times cries to God asking Him to forgive them for even having the desire of marriage in the first place. And as we get older, we grieve the fact that we also can’t have a child…our hopes of family are most likely gone. And we cry out to God…alone because we don’t want another lecture about how we need to learn to be content. We want someone to tell us it’s OK to hurt, to cry, to grieve.

I’m not saying that one group’s grief is worse than the other. I’m just pointing out that one group’s grief is validated while the other group is left feeling guilty they grieve in the first place. Single adults make up 50% of the American population. Scan your congregation tomorrow morning. Are 50% of the adults single? I’d wager they’re not. I’m aware there are many different reasons for this. But I’d like to throw out the possibility that the way the church reveres marriage and family as a higher calling than singleness, and the attitude with which each group is treated, might be one of the reasons. And then I would suggest that we love one another with the love of Christ, regardless of our status or station in life, that we truly learn to love one another and be the Body of Christ.

Another School Year Begins...

Yesterday was my first day of subbing in this new school year. On my way to school, I was thinking about how I have been subbing off and on for a long time. And I found myself praying for the students, as I often do. And praying for me, for patience, grace and that the students can see Jesus in me. Well, as I was driving home yesterday, I realized that even though I forgot to pray for it, I was thankful that I had seen Jesus in my students.

I had a high school student to ask "Miss Weaver, are you ever going to get a real teaching degree and become a real teacher? You've been subbing forever."
I smiled at him, then replied "Well, I have a Master's of Arts in Teaching, so I think that counts as a real degree. And, I also have a teaching license, so I believe that makes me a real teacher. Now, I think what you're really wanting to know is why I keep subbing and don't have a full-time teaching position. And that reason is - I take care of my father who can't live by himself since my mother passed away, and my first priority is being here for him."
The student replied "I am so sorry, now I feel like a jerk. You're doing a good thing and I made fun of it. I really am sorry, Miss Weaver, I promise I didn't mean any disrespect."

I told him that no harm was done, that we were cool and assured him that he wasn't a jerk, at least not this time. lol :) We all chuckled and the keyboarding lesson resumed.

I wish that adults could learn to be kind and understand someone's situation before judging them. I can't count the number of times I've been called irresponsible, lazy or immature by adults who know my situation, some who are even my friends yet say these things behind my back. I may not always enjoy this season of my life, but I know that God will always remember my obedience to do what He's asked me to do. And that far outweighs peoples' opinions of me.

He Says I'm Enough

We go through seasons in this life. Some seasons are short, others seem to last an entire lifetime, while most fall somewhere in between. And we never know how long the season will be until it’s over. During prayer and worship the other night, I didn’t go up to the altar for prayer partly because my heavy heart was affecting my feet, but mostly because I couldn’t find a way to put my heavy heart in to words. So, in between tears and sobs, I was trying to praise God’s goodness and claim His promises. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I had no problem praising His Name, for He is great and greatly to be praised. I was just desperately struggling to claim His greatness in my life.

You see, my heart was struggling. As of late, it seems that no matter what I do, the message I get (sometimes external other times internal) is that I’m not enough, haven’t tried hard enough, haven't loved enough, and haven’t given enough...I’m unaccepted, undesirable, unworthy. And it’s left me exhausted and feeling dreadfully inadequate. And I have a feeling I’m not the only one who has ever struggled in a season like this.

While I was sobbing, a friend was praying amazing things over me. And while I was sobbing, I was agreeing with her, praying and hoping those things were or would be true. And my heart felt calmed, that someone believed I was enough and worth time. Then, my friend kept her hand on my arm, but she was far enough away I could no longer hear what she was praying. And I felt myself longing to hear that she believed I was worthy of prayer, worthy of her time, worthy of God’s time.

And then God spoke to me. I was looking for assurance from outside sources, but as His child, I should be looking only to Him. He says that I am enough, beyond enough and worthy of His time and love. Even when I struggle, even when I fail, I am enough through Jesus’ blood and my willing heart, I am enough for Him. People, both from inside and outside of the Church, may tell you that you will never be enough – never smart enough, fast enough, talented enough, kind enough, compassionate enough, never enough. But God says that’s not true! His love isn’t based on performance. He says I’m enough because He created me! I’m important to Him! I am worth enough to Him that He sent His son to die on the cross in my place! He delights in me! He says my face is lovely and my voice is sweet! And beloved, He says the very same things about you too! And that’s so beautiful, because after all, His opinion is the only one that matters!

Grandma

This lady! Oh, how I wish I had more years with her. But, I am fully aware how blessed I was to live next door to or with her for all of the 19 years I got to be loved by her on Earth. She wasn't perfect. Nope, she wasn't. But she didn't claim to be either. Oh how she loved with her all! She was a McGrew...which leads many to understand she could have a temper. lol She and Grandpa would argue, oh my, over the tiniest thing. (Sometimes, as any couple married 62 years would, they legitimately argued...other times, well Grandpa was a Meredith and some of them have been known to torment for entertainment's sake. Ha!) And she NEVER forgot what the argument was about, because this woman with a 6th grade education could remember EVERYTHING! I personally witnessed several times that family members or friends would show up on the doorstep to ask Grandma to settle an argument based on happening 50 years prior. And by the time they left, all parties had concluded that Grandma was exactly right, remembering every last detail. And, before they left, they were usually filled with some kind of delicious food! I still suspect her siblings and in-laws came to "settle an argument" close to meal-time on purpose. And why wouldn't they? She was legitimately one of the best cooks EVER. I know a lot of people think that about their grandmothers...but many of those people are wrong. :) Seriously, I watched this woman cook meals for 10-25 people with NO recipes, MULTIPLE dishes AND she could time them to all be done at just the right time. Also, I know she did this her entire married life on a very tight budget...but no one left Helen Meredith's house hungry...or even having room enough for a tiny piece of candy!

I know that living in her house makes it easier for me to remember her, but honestly, I don't think it matters where I am...I'm pretty sure I'll always remember her on a regular basis. My grandparents were such a second set of parents to me, I know and am thankful that a lot of who I am today is because of them. She either taught or helped teach me how to cook, how to can veggies & fruits, how to sew, how to pay attention to little details, how to love people and always be hospitable. But most importantly, she taught me how to love the Lord. I am a worshiper...it's the way God made me. And, though she couldn't carry a tune to save her life, Grandma was a worshiper too. Oh so many Sundays of sitting next to Grandma covering my ears or glaring her direction because she couldn't find the note to sing. And she would (sometimes a bit shortly) remind me that Jesus loved the sound of her voice...and that's all that matters! (Though when I was feeling feisty, I'd remind her that she was singing in my ears...a sound that wasn't joyful to me! lol) I'm pretty sure that she's finally able to harmonize with my mom...and I have this feeling they're singing His praises, worshiping at His feet right now. (True worship is obedience, not just singing. But we will worship the Lord by singing His praises in Heaven...and even Grandma hoped she would get a better voice!)

In 100 years, there won't be anyone on Earth who remembers Helen Meredith personally. And since by worldly standards, she never did anything super impressive, there may not even be many who remember her in stories. But I know that she loved God, her family, her church family and her neighbor well. And I know that she spent so many hours before the Lord, lifting up the needs and hearts of so many who never even knew she was praying. But God knows, and He remembers. And He'll remember it in 100 years, 1000 years, 10,000 years...He will never forget how precious she is to His heart. And I know that I will never forget how thankful I am that God gave me Helen Irene (born as Olive Modine, but that's a different story lol) McGrew Meredith for a grandmother.

Olympics & Memories

I'm not an athlete, but I love watching the Olympics! The first Olympics I remember were the '84 winter Olympics. My mom always loved ice skating & I remember watching Scott Hamilton win the gold. And I loved it! But, my favorites in '84 were the summer games! I loved watching Mary Lou Retton, Greg Louganis and Jackie Joyner Kersee.

My all-time favorite, though, was Florence Griffith Joyner!! I LOVED to run when I was a little kid, partly because I was always in a hurry, but also because the only time I didn't have to wear my corrective shoes was when I was running. Originally, I wasn't given that privilege, however, I managed to wear the soles out of those expensive shoes too quickly! lol And the doctors said running was good for my hips and feet once I had quit walking on the outside of my ankles. So I'd shed those metal lined ugly shoes for cool tennis shoes and take off! That was before the summer of steroids and house arrest (awful allergies). I could run faster than a lot of kids could ride their bikes. In fact, I can remember my parents riding their bikes, Michelle on the back of Mom's bike, and me running ahead of them down the road. And I would always beg whoever was nearby to time me. I wasn't usually racing against anyone but myself. I'm still quite a bit that way. Oh, I don't mind competition with others and I do like to win...but since I was a little kid, I've always competed with myself. I always want to be better and do better than the time before.

Back to the summer of 1984... I can clearly remember my life goals. My 2 big dreams that summer were to marry Dr. Naney :) and run like Flo-Jo in the Olympics! I even grew my nails out as long as I could so they'd look like Flo-Jo's (until a game of tag in 1st grade took an unfortunate turn and I drew blood by tagging someone's arm lol). Dr. Naney (who was no spring chicken when I was 5 haha) has since passed on and any chance of being an Olympic athlete passed quite a while before then, so I suppose it's a good thing Jesus helped me make new goals. :) I know that I'll never forget watching those games in our hot mobile home with my momma and my need to chant U-S-A every time our favorites were on the screen!

He Knows Your Name!

I attended a funeral today.  Since my dad wasn't raise by his birth parents, it's always a little tricky trying to explain relation to certain family members.  Today was the funeral, or rather celebration of life, of Dad's oldest "cousin-brother's" wife, or sister-in-law as Dad always viewed her.  (Dad was raised by his uncle & aunt, therefore the term "cousin-brother".)

Juanita was one of the kindest, gentlest, most joyful souls you could ever meet.  I don't think there was a single time in all of my 36 years of knowing her that when I saw her she didn't 1) give me a hug 2) compliment me & 3) smile.  These 3 things were true even when her husband passed away, then when her youngest son passed and a few months ago when her oldest son passed.  And though I saw her shed tears, I also saw her smile and heard her thank the Lord for being good.

Her daughter told me today how the night her Mom passed away progressed.  She was having some trouble breathing but didn't want her daughter to call the ambulance.  Eventually, around 3 in the morning, she was breathing a little easier.  She'd asked her daughter earlier to write something down for her, it was something to the extent of "I am at peace with my Lord Jesus".  Well, a little after 3 she asked her daughter if she'd heard someone say her name.  The daughter hadn't, but told her mom that if it was God calling her home, she should go be with Him.  A few minutes later, she said she heard her name again.  Her daughter said she took a couple more breaths, then her face just became so peaceful as she drifted.  And in that moment, Juanita stood before the Lord, seeing Him face to face.

I have no doubt that Juanita was hearing the Lord call her name...it was time for her to come home.  Jesus said in John 10:4 "I am the good shepherd; and I know My sheep, and am known by My own."  He knows your need, He knows your heart, He know YOUR NAME.  Oh, beloved, how precious is that?!  And oh, how sweet of a gift God gave her daughter...to know that her mom was hearing Him call her home, by name!!

In this life we will have sorrows, we will miss those who go on before us...but if we are His, we don't mourn like those who have no hope!  We know that one day He will call us home for eternity.  And you'll know when He's calling you, because He knows your name!!

What you might not realize about your worship leader

I’m working on the set list for tonight’s worship & intercession gathering.  And, it’s the 14^th anniversary of 9/11.  And, there have been hearings taking place this week in Washington DC regarding the funding of Planned Parenthood.  And, on a less national level, there are a million other things going on in my life and in the lives of those I love.

And my heart cares about each and every one of these things.  And many times throughout my day, I am in prayer for many of these issues…while still keeping on the task at hand.  Sometimes, though, my heart is broken so deeply that I have to take a break from what I’m doing and simply go before the Throne of God, fall on my knees and weep.  And in the midst of all of this, I have to set aside time to seek His heart for others, to hear what He's wanting to share.

After thinking about a conversation I recently had with a friend, I thought I'd share a few things you might not realize about your worship leader...

First and foremost, I want the Lord’s heart to be heard anytime I’m leading worship.  I take the privilege of leading God’s people into His presence very seriously.  Though it may seem like picking out 6-8 songs is an extremely easy task that can be done in 10 minutes, that’s not how I (or most worship leaders) go about it.  I try to spend time with the Lord, seeking His heart and His direction.  Do I miss the mark at times?  Yes, definitely, I’m human.  But that still doesn’t mean I haven’t sought Him and His heart towards you.

Sometimes when I’m leading, I will hear the Holy Spirit give me a song that I hadn’t originally put in the set…and there will be no words on the screen.  Sometimes I miss it when I’m prepping.  Sometimes, sometimes that’s just how the Holy Spirit moves.  Sometimes it’s a test of my faith…will I follow His leading rather than trust my own?  Sometimes, there’s one person in the midst whose heart needs to be reached.  I don’t pretend to understand why God does what He does, He is God, and I am not.  So, if there aren’t words on the screen and it’s a song you don’t know by heart, don’t check out.  Press in, seek Him.  I’ve had people tell me “I didn’t know that song, so I just prayed and He shared [insert care of His heart] with me…and I was so moved by feeling His heart!”  Want to know something?  Most of the time that was the care of His heart He was sharing with me too! 

Sometimes we will sing the same song (or songs with similar message) more than one time in a month…sometimes even weeks in a row.  God wants to share His heart…always.  And during some seasons, He wants our hearts to be heavily burdened for specific cares of His heart.  Please don’t think me to be lazy and that I simply re-use the set list from last week.  And know that if we’ve done the same song 3 weeks in a row, I’ve probably spent time reminding the Lord of that very fact.  But when I stand before Him, I will not be accountable to you, only to Him.

Sometimes we will sing the same line or chorus multiple times.  This is not because I didn’t plan ahead with enough songs to fill the service, nor is it because I simply like the tune (though I very well may!)  It’s again something I am hearing in my spirit.  I know not everyone likes to sing the same line over and over.  I would encourage you to quit just singing it.  Make it the prayer of your heart.  Remember Revelation 4:8 – the 4 living creatures around the Throne declare “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!” and the Word says they NEVER cease, DAY and NIGHT.  For me, realizing that this is what they do for ALL eternity…kind of puts singing “You are my King” 12 times into perspective.  It’s not because of “liking” a song…it’s simply declaring Truth and because He is worthy!

There are days when I’m not “feeling it”.  You know what I’m talking about.  You have days when you’re getting ready for church, worship, whatever and you’re like “meh, I’ll go sit in the seat because that’s what I’m supposed to do”.  I have those days too…only I’m behind my keyboard with your eyes on me.  I’m not a fan of the “fake it til you make it” teaching because I desire to be authentic.  I am, however, a huge fan of Psalm 100:4 “Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise!  Give thanks to Him; bless His name!”  If you take but a moment to lift your eyes off of your circumstances & choose to be thankful for all He has provided, you can sing “Blessed Be His Name” even when it feels like all hell is crushing in on you!  Again, He is worthy regardless of what’s going on in our lives!

There are times I have to remind myself - this is not about you and it’s not about me.  Times when my throat is scratchy from allergies, when my foot is cramping from standing behind the keyboard for over an hour, when someone has said something so hurtful I just want to be alone and cry - this isn't about any of those things.  It’s about Him!  The uncreated God of the universe, who created us and gave us life, who CHOOSES to LOVE us…He also longs to hear our voices & see our faces!  And He loves our weak love, and loves to hear our weak “yes”.  He is Worthy of all worship!  Not just the songs we sing, but of lovers of Him to live lives of complete obedience and reckless abandon!

I count it an honor and privilege to serve God and His people.  He knows exactly how terribly short I fall each and every day, yet He blesses me with opportunities to serve Him!  

Death, where is your sting?!

The older I get, the more aware I am that there are so many times in life that it just stinks to be an adult.  Since the beginning of 2015, I have been reminded of this.  My parents had a couple that were their best friends for as long as I can remember…their friends went to our home church, they came to every birthday party, supported every mission trip I went on both in finances & cards, letters, etc., called on a regular basis “just to check up”.

In February, after she had recovered from a severe illness, he was diagnosed with stage IV cancer and not given a good prognosis.  This is my father’s best friend.  And since my mom died, they’ve been even closer.  Since Dad can’t drive, he has picked him up for church & other meetings they go to together.  The hard part of being an adult?  When I explained for the 3rd time (traumatic brain injury) to my dad that the prognosis wasn’t good & my father looked at me with misty eyes and said “So you’re saying he’s dying?  I’m losing my best friend?”  And I replied “Unless God intervenes with supernatural healing, yes, he will die from this cancer”. 

Earlier this week, after she had been in the hospital for a couple of weeks, she didn’t survive this past illness.  So, tonight I will be going to my mom’s best friend’s visitation…and I will watch my dad try to console his best friend who has lost his wife and doesn’t seem to be winning his battle with cancer. 

Sometimes, life just stinks.  It just does.  But, I can choose joy and I will choose joy.  Though I will mourn with Terry, I will still choose joy.  How?  Because I know that Mary Ellen is worshiping at Jesus’ feet!  And I know that my mom and her best friend have been reunited!  And I know that one day, I’ll be with them too.  I will choose joy because I can proclaim 1 Corinthians 15:55 “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”!  So grateful for the Father’s love and Jesus’ obedience on the cross!! 

Ten years ago today...

I heard someone on the news talking about the 10th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina.  Then I realized that 10 years ago today, I was on a plane on my way to China.  Wow!  10 years!  Is it possible for 10 years to seem like the blink of an eye & also feel like 2 lifetimes all at the same time??  I hope so, because that's where I am!

Ten years ago right now, I was flying for the first time in my life!  I remember how the pilot on one flight said we'd made good time & arrived early because of Katrina (tailwinds or something).  I remember that on the last leg of the journey - the flight from Tokyo to Guangzhou - I started feeling really sick.  I mean, the smells of the food we'd been served made me nauseous.  I couldn't hardly make myself eat the food, which left me hungry.  Throw in some turbulence and exhaustion...and I was done!  Seriously, I was done.  On the last flight, I had it out with God.  I told Him, in no uncertain terms, that the moment we landed & I got my luggage, I was putting a return flight on my credit card and staying at the airport until I flew home.  There was no way I could do this...I am not adventurous enough to eat foods that the smells make me sick.  I could not live a year where I couldn't understand the language (I already couldn't understand the flight attendants).  Others on my team had a shared history, so not only was I feeling bad, but I was already the odd-man out...and we hadn't even landed yet.  So I waited until the light changed signaling I could go to the restroom, walked back there, threw up and then bawled my eyes out and threw up again.

The more I told God I was going back home, the less nauseous I felt.  I figured that meant I had God's approval & it was His peace.  I thought He must have been testing my faith like He did with Abraham...just seeing if I was truly willing to make the sacrifice He asked, then at the last minute He was saying He wouldn't hold me to it.  As I walked back up the aisle and took my seat, I could see beautiful city lights.  The pilot began to speak (not in English)...the only word I understood was "Guangzhou" ...the city I was to live in.  I looked out the window at the lights again and heard God, in His still, small voice, say, "This is why you're here.  Take a good look.  There are MILLIONS living in this city.  They don't know Me.  Some have never even heard of My Name.  And they WILL spend eternity in Hell when they die if they don't know Me.  You have to tell them about Me."   Then He said "Yes, this is going to be a hard year.  Yes, you're going to feel left out at times.  Yes, there will be times you will cry out to Me fearing I've forsaken you.  That's because you're still living on Earth.  This is life, there are seasons.  Yes, this year will be more intense because you're away from all you know and all that is familiar.  But know this, the fire is where purification takes place.  It will be hard, you will want to quit, but I am with you.  My Word's still true - I will NEVER leave or forsake you.  And I love you!  I want you to share My love with others this year just as you do at home, but know that I am drawing you even closer to Me...  I am jealous for your heart and I will take full advantage of the fact that you're physically away from all you know & love to show you My love, to grow you in Me, to become your best friend, to become the 1st One you turn to.  Yes, this year will be hard, but I promise you will be blessed as well.  And, I love you and will never leave you!  Do you trust Me?"  Well, He'd never not kept His Word to me before, so I had to trust Him.

So, when the plane landed, we got our 3000 pounds of luggage - or maybe it was 2-70 lb suitcases & 2 carry-ons :), met teammates I'd only met online prior to that night and got on a bus that took us to our apartment.  It was around midnight, I was starved, exhausted and still an emotional wreck.  I remember a couple of us going to the C-store across the street - I got Pringles & a Coke Light.  Ahh, a little comfort. :)  I remember calling Mom to let her know we'd landed & "yes, I promise I'm fine".  Yeah, it was a lie you tell your Momma when you're on the other side of the world so she doesn't freak out.  I think I cried myself to sleep while feeling extremely claustrophobic in the bottom bunk and more emotional than I'd felt in a long time. lol

No, the year was not easy.  But, I did fall even more in love with Jesus than I thought possible.  And God continued to keep His Word - He never left me.  Every tear, every sniffle, every doubt, every giggle, every "arrgghhh" moment, He was right there with me.  And though it wasn't easy, I am forever thankful that I followed when I heard His voice.