Waiting...

I was checking different accounts and pages tonight on the internet and realized that I haven't put anything new on here for a while. So here goes. :)

Mom's last chemo treatment was November 13th and she's still in remission! She's been extremely tired lately, maybe more than ever. So if you could please remember her in prayer, it would be appreciated. They said that it could take her body up to a year to rid itself of the chemo & its side effects. We are extremely thankful for how well she's doing, though, and we know it's only by the grace of God!

I find that I don't update much because it seems as though my life doesn't really change often. You probably know that I had a job interview back in October that I was totally stoked about. The position I interviewed for was an Abstinence Educator that goes into public schools teaching the message of abstinence over safe sex. It seemed like a perfect job for me, the interview went really well and all I had to do was wait 2 weeks for them to make a decision.

Well, I got an email stating they had decided not me. I was bummed, but I had so many of you praying God's Will for me that I know He has some reason. I don't understand His plans so much of the time, yet I know within me that His ways are always best.

So, after finding that I didn't get the job and having just a rather "blagh" month, I decided to do something for myself! I called my beautician and made a hair appointment. The picture below is the result. I am absolutely loving it!! I wanted purple highlights too, but realized that maybe a substitute teacher shouldn't do that. (At least not if I want to work & make money!! haha)

What am I doing now? Well, I'm waiting on God. I've been told that sounds like a generic answer that gives me freedom of responsibility and decision-making. That's not at all true, though. I was taught once by a very wise minister that waiting on God is not the same as doing nothing. While I'm waiting for Him to show me His next step, I'll keep seeking His Will to follow correctly. But more importantly, I am seeking Him....seeking His face, His presence. And, ya know what, in the moments where I earnestly seek Him, He lets me find Him. And those moments are worth far more than anything else could ever be!

This was after being in RAINY (i.e. frizzy) air all day!

Remission!

On Tuesday, November 13th, I took Mom to Dr. Dy (her oncologist) for her 12th chemo treatment. He said that her CA 125 (cancer marker) is down to 18, which means it is below the normal of 34. He also said that since she has completed 2 rounds of chemo, she is done (at least for now)! He said that her scans show no re-growth of any cancer and since the markers are down, he's calling her in remission. Actually, what he told us was "oh, did I not tell you? You've technically been in remission for a few weeks now." It was still very good news!!

We will continue to see him, most likely on a monthly basis. And she will have the blood test, the CT scans and exams done every 1-3 months. Because remission and cancer-free are not the same thing, we have to monitor this closely.

Thank you all for your prayers, calls, letters and thoughts. We're very aware of the fact that God has had His hand on this from the very beginning. We're also aware that her cancer is aggressive and could come back on us quickly and she's also extremely worn out and experiencing a few long-term side effects from the chemo. So if you could continue to remember her in prayer, we'd greatly appreciate it! Thanks again!

The grass is sometimes greener...

I'm sure that you've gotten phone calls, cards or emails from friends who are sharing their great news. And you love that they are so blessed and that wonderful things are happening in their lives. I love when a friend calls to tell me that she or he is getting married! Or when I'm told that new babies will be entering our world! I love hearing that news and being excited for my friends!

Here's what happens sometimes, though. I'm 28 and single. Though I normally have NO problems with this, when multiple engagements and wedding talks take place at the same time, there comes that little question in the back of my mind "when, if ever, will it be my turn?" I love when my friends have babies! I love babies and little ones. I love being able to spoil them, play with them and do my part to point them toward the Lord. I love being Aunt Meredith! But that question comes again "will I ever get to have one of my own?" I see the divorce rates rising and think....some of these women are leaving 2 awesome husbands throughout their lifetimes and I don't even get one to love and cherish. And having worked in child welfare, I know that there are MANY people who have children that they don't love and nurture, yet I'm single so no children for me. I guess that's another time that life just doesn't seem fair.

However, I look over the events of my life, the last few months and even the past week. My parents have been sick and by being single and child-free, I have been with them almost every waking moment to help take care of them, talk with them and just be with them. I wouldn't trade the time with them for anything. By being single, I was able to decide in 12 hours that I would pack up and move to China for a year. I was also able to decide to move to Florida for a few months to work with a church plant. And last week, I was able to pack up, drive my parents to Ohio and see aunts & cousins on a moment's notice.

Yes, I would love to be married and become a mother one day. But, right now I can see that the grass is pretty green on my side. I can vacation when I want, I can move if I want, I can come and go as I please. I can spend my money spoiling everyone else's children, love their kids and be loved by their kids....and when the diapers are dirty - I can pass them back to their mommy!

Yes, the grass is pretty green here!

Blessings upon blessings....

This has been a busy week! Monday, I took Mom to a new orthopaedic, this time in Vincennes. This is the clinic that I frequented for my knee problems/surgery for many, many years. My grandma (who had degenerative joint disease) also frequented this clinic, and she was actually a patient of the doctor Mom saw. Anyway.....we walked in fairly skeptical. The last ortho we saw told Mom that her shoulders had severe deteriorative arthritis and "Mrs. Weaver, you know, you have cancer and probably will die....you should just see if your oncologist will prescribe stronger pain medicine". Needless to say, that was the last time we visited him. The doctor in Vincennes said that Mom only has minimal arthritis and a lot of tendonitis. He said that he will do steroid injections in each shoulder every 6-8 weeks to relieve her pain. He injected the right one Monday and now she's able to move her arm above her head (she hasn't done that for months)!

On Tuesday, we went to the oncologist for Mom's 11th chemo treatment. The doctor told us that Mom's cancer marker dropped from 23 to 17. He was so excited (and we were a little bit too haha)! He said that if everything is still good in 3 weeks, the Nov. 13th treatment should be the last chemo treatment for a while. And, she might even be able to go back to work full-time after the first of the year! Praise the Lord for His blessings!

Thank you all for your continued prayers through all of this!

CT scans and humor...

So, Mom had her latest CT scan done this week. She signed the release & went in to read the report (before it was sent to the doctor). Then she called to let me know what it said. The report read that everything looked normal, except her lung that has been partially collapsed for quite some time. The interesting part was that, according to the report, her uterus looked normal. What makes that so interesting, you ask? Well, she had a radical hysterectomy done on Feb. 28, meaning she has no uterus. This caused us a little stress because we thought they might be seeing a tumor that was that large. Come to find out...it was just a mistake on the doctor's dictation.

Here's a little insight into the mind of my mother, though. When she was around 19 years old, she had her appendix removed. When she had surgery on Feb. 28th, we were charged for an appendectomy. So, my mother says "I have figured it out. The doc had to remove my appendix for the 2nd time in my life. And now my uterus looks normal on the CT scan. I understand it now.....every time they take out one of my parts, it just regenerates. I'm going to live forever and never die since all my parts keep growing back!" haha Have I told you that I love my mom and her sense of humor through all of this?!

Oct 1 oncologist visit....

Today, Oct 1, Mom & I went to see Dr. Dy, Mom's oncologist. By the way, his name is pronounced "D", not "die". lol We get a lot of confused looks & questions! haha

Anyway, we went this morning for Mom's chemo. We had concerns to talk over with the doctor. Concerns such as the spot on the liver and lung that one radiologist thought he saw. And, the fact that Mom gained 7 pounds in one week and her abdomen was extremely hard and swollen (much like it was with the initial cancer fluid build-up).

Well, I know that many of you were and are praying...and I want to THANK YOU! He said that he really doesn't believe there's any cancer on her liver or lung because her cancer marker numbers are not increasing at all. Normally when ovarian cancer spreads and makes fluid, the cancer levels sky rocket! He also said that he believes the fluid is building up on Mom as a side effect from the chemotherapy drug she is on. He wants to make sure, though, so 2 weeks from today she will be having pelvic and abdominal CT scans done.

I have to tell you, though, Dr. Dy is a highly excitable doctor. With my mom having been a nurse for so long, medical emergencies aren't usually emergencies in my family. lol So, Dr. Dy is normally WAY more excited than we are. So when he just brushed it all off and said it wasn't anything to worry about, it makes it very easy to believe. I have a feeling I will feel more settled once we see the CT scan results, but after listening to the doctor, it does make sense that her numbers would have jumped up.

So, again, thank you so much for the prayers! We definitely felt them and know that they were heard & answered!

Not so bad....

So, after I posted the blog last night, I spent quite a while in prayer before going to sleep. A lot of the time was silent prayer on my part, just sitting and soaking in God's presence. I love those times! And I love how He speaks during those times!

While I was feeling oh-so-sorry for myself and filling up with worry, God kept bringing Scripture to my recollection. Such as, "cast all your cares upon the Lord for He cares for you." And "be anxious for nothing, but in everything through prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, take your petitions before the Lord" (I may get some of them a little twisted on the wording...but He was reminding me of the promises He's made.) He also reminded me that I cannot love my mother or father more than I love Him. If I do so, I don't deserve to be called His follower. And, He reminded me that HE loves my mother more than I could ever dream of loving her. Not only is she my mom, but she is HIS daughter. He loves her SO much! He is the lover of her soul and it is not His desire to see her suffer or anything. He won't leave her through all of this, He will be right beside her through the storm.

I love when God reveals Himself to me in truths that I've known for a long time, but sometimes I need that gentle reminding!

Thoughts in my head......

So, it's been a rough couple of weeks.

We're waiting for Mom to see the oncologist on Monday for him to order more tests. The radiologist thought he saw a spot on the liver and lung. I'm praying that it's not cancer that has metastasized (because that's not a good thing at all) and that it's just a flub on the film. Mom's been so run-down and tired lately that my brain just automatically heads down the worst-case scenario road.

I used to be such a strong person. I find myself feeling broken lately, though. I cry so easily...the tears just started welling up typing that. lol I pray that God's Will be done over my desires. And that itself scares me at times. What if God's Will is that Mom go home to be with Him soon? How will I manage? There are times that I feel like I can't breathe just thinking about the possibility of not having her here with me. How much worse will it be when I really don't have her here? Who's going to be my cheerleader and encourager? Who's going to be the one person I can call no matter what time it is and hear love for me in their voice? Who can I vent to when I'm having a horrible day? Who can I go to when my heart is broken and I need someone to help me nurse it?

I know that God has promised to be my Provider, my Comforter, my Shelter, my Rock. I know that HE knew me before He placed me in my mother's womb. I know that HE will never leave me nor forsake me. I know that HE loves me more than my mom ever could. I know that I know that I know all of that is true. I know it in my head. But my heart is having so much trouble hearing and believing it right now. I know that I've been blessed. I have 2 wonderful parents who love me more than their own lives. I had wonderful grandparents that were a part of my daily life that I loved like another set of parents. Grandparents that loved me enough to discipline me and send me in the right direction when I needed it, and to give me a popsicle and a soda when I needed that instead. :) I know I'm extremely blessed and fortunate. I have friends who lost a parent when we were in grade school. I have friends who lost their parents in their early 20s. I know that having both of my parents at age 28 means I'm blessed. But I also have friends who are in their 40's that still have great-grandparents living healthily. It's in moments of thinking of them that I feel cheated, forgotten, forsaken. I feel like I'm going to be abandoned.

And then I reflect on my thoughts and my words. I know that there is a difference between "knowing" and "feeling". I know that God's Will is best. I know that He has only the best plans for my mom. And I know that if I truly pray His Will be done, I had better be prepared that He's going to heal her in Heaven rather than on this Earth. And I'd better not have an offended heart if that happens. I know that should He choose that route, it is all for the best according to His Plan. I know that God is not out to cheat me, abandon me, forget me and forsake me. I know that I am God's Child, whom He loves and will not leave. I know that when the time comes that I don't have Mom around, God will either fill that spot Himself or send someone to do His Work. He's so awesome like that! I know that right now while I'm bawling, I'm feeling sorry for what I see in my future and that's pretty stupid. Because I know that tomorrow is not promised to any one of us. I know that Mom could outlive me. I know that Jesus could come back tomorrow. I know that God knew what He was talking about when He said "not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worries of its own". I know that there is a difference between what I know and what I feel. Satan can affect my feelings from time to time, but I will not let him affect what I know to be true about my God, because God has written His word on my heart! I feel as though I'm broken and can't go on. But I KNOW that God will see me through, and regardless the outcome, He'll be right there, holding me and loving me! He will continue to be my Provider, Comforter, Shelter, Father, Friend and every other role that I will need throughout my life!

Dancin' to the Oldies!

Daddy worked today (he works 15 hours a week at WalMart). When he and Mom got home, he showed us the purchase he had made while at work. Daddy had bought 2 different CD sets. One was full of songs from the '50s, the other was from the '60s. Now, there are probably some, if not many, my age that wouldn't know many of these songs. But, we actually listened to oldies growing up, so I'm familiar with many.

I decided that we needed to go through the songs on all FIVE CDs to check them out. So, I put 'em on and we all started singing. Mom was in the next room, while Dad was sitting in his chair. I have a short attention span for songs I don't know, so some songs only made it to about 30 seconds. lol I did know a lot of them, though, so I spent an hour going back and forth between rooms - singing, dancing, performing for my parents and having fun! I had a blast (and I'm sure I got a good work out too!) Mom said she wished she had my video camera (precisely why I keep it hidden haha). But, I have to tell you -- I had a blast! I was singing and dancing around with my parents like I used to when I was a little girl. It was like a step back in history - to a time that I was young and my parents were both healthy and fun-loving. They're not overly healthy now and I'm not necessarily young, but we're all still fun-loving people! I'm so thankful that my parents' spirits stay so high! And that my mom's sense of humor is still so strong. At one point during my dancing performance/workout, I began to have difficulty breathing, to which my mother replied "Well, you know we raised you Baptist....that's what you get for dancing, especially on a Sunday!" How hilarious is that?!

While I was dancing and twirling around, singing really poorly off-key, having a great time, something hit me. This is how Jesus wants us to be when we spend time with Him. Like we were when we were little kids! Jumping around, singing songs (even when we don't completely know the tunes or the words) and just having a blast - knowing that no matter how much we mess up those songs, we're still loved! He wants us to live with a child-like faith! Resting in the knowledge that we're God's children and He's our awesome Father! I love when God shows Himself in the small things!

Mom's shoulders...

On Thursday, August 30, I took Mom to the orthopaedics's office for him to look at her shoulders. The MRI's had shown that the problem is NOT her rotator cuffs. The problem is that she has some pretty bad arthritis in the shoulders. Also, as a side effect from her chemotherapy, she has large amounts of fluid that have build up in the shoulder joints. The doctor injected some anti-inflammatory steroids in both shoulders. She nearly jumped off the table and bit off her own finger when he injected the right shoulder (the one that has been bothering her the most). She said the left one didn't hurt nearly as bad. The doctor said it would take a couple of days to fully take effect. It's been over 24 hours now and she says that her pain level is going down. She is able to lie down on her side without her arms killing her for the first time in a few months!

The doc said it's mostly a side effect of the chemo. Just another reason that I really hate cancer! And I hate Satan. If he hadn't tempted Adam and Eve, we wouldn't be living in a fallen world. Plus, he's just not a good guy. I love Jesus, though! And I know that God is WAY more powerful than Satan and God can bring Mom through this. She looked at me tonight, while we were sitting in the yard swing tonight, and said "I don't know why, but I really have a feeling that I'm going to beat this cancer stuff and it's not going to end up a big deal". I know that Mom has the peace of God residing in her heart, and I am so thankful for that! I'm also thankful that she decided to share that with me tonight...I was really needing to hear that. She's such an awesome person!

Can we say addiction?

OK, so my "baby" Molly has a problem. After my dad or I finish a cup of Yoplait yogurt, she wants the container to lick it clean. It's too cute. So, here are some pics of her. (I know, most people post pictures of their kids on here, but I only have Molly.)

She was licking the third container of the day, so I thought it would be funny to stage the picture & put her other two on her right side.


Then, it was hilarious! Molly looked around and actually moved the cups closer to her! She made it even funnier than when I had tried to stage the picture!
And here she is....all tired out from eating her yogurt. I think she has a problem. Anyone know of a Yogurt Anonymous?

Wode Mama (My Mother)

Here's the latest news on my mama.

We went to the oncologist on Monday (August 20th) for her 8th chemo treatment. The oncologist told us that her CA 125 (cancer marker) is at 23. Normal is 34 and under, but he isn't considering her to be in remission until her numbers are 10 or below. She has 4 more chemo treatments to finish out this round. Overall, the oncologist has been really impressed with Mom's progress! Tuesday (August 21st), we went to the surgeon (who removed her cancer back in February) for a physical checkup. He said that the exam he completed agreed with the CT scan findings and her cancer levels...he feels no new bumps, lumps or anything!

She will be going in for tests on Thursday (August 23rd) on her shoulders. She's been having tremendous amounts of pain in her shoulders since she started chemo. They had originally thought it was the medicine they give to make her white count increase. But, she hasn't had any of that medicine for 6 weeks and the pain is still there. The doctors think that she might have torn rotator cuffs. We should get the results of the MRI and bone scans by the end of next week. Please keep that in your prayers!

Mom is scheduled to go back to work on Monday, the 27th. She has a ton of restrictions and can only work up to 4 hours a day, but she's still excited. We're thinking it will be good for her to get out of the house and into a little more of a routine. Well, that's about all I know, I'll update again when we get her shoulder test results back!

Anniversary of my birth......

Wow. It is officially the 28th anniversary of my birth. I remember a really great doctor friend of mine once pointing out to me that "birthday" literally means day of birth. He maintained that we've warped the English language with the word "birthday", therefore, it should be called the anniversary of your birth. So, that's what today is...the 28th anniversary of my birth. Wow...I'm starting to age. haha

I had a wonderful filled with cards, e-cards and comments on myspace and facebook. To all of you...thank you very much! Mom fixed a big supper for her and Dad, my friend Lynne and me. Then, they gave me cards, presents and my cake! Afterwards, we spent time talking and hanging out. Sometimes when we're younger, we don't realize the importance of having friends that you can just sit and "be" with. You don't have to be doing anything, you just have to "be". I feel sorry for the people who never figure that out as they get older. I am also very thankful that my parents raised me with that awareness. I'm also thankful that 28 years ago, God sent me to be born into my wonderful family. And I'm forever thankful that He had that all planned before He even "knit me in my mother's womb". What an awesome birthday gift He gave me....His love, plus the love of my earthly family! Wonderful anniversary of birth day indeed! :)

Class of 1997 - 10 Year Reunion

I'm sitting here thinking of my 10-year high school class reunion. It was this past Saturday night. It was an experience that I almost skipped out on. However, thanks to one of my best friends from high school, Mandi, I did end up attending and I think it was a good thing. It was good in the way that I have now lived to the point that your parents always tell you about-- that the snobby, popular kids will eventually grow up and not be so snobby. I have to say that, according to teachers, my class was always one of the nicest classes. There were definite lines between the "groups", but almost everyone was able to cross those at times. There weren't many lines at the 10-year reunion. Another good thing that I learned was my own attitude of not caring about those lines. It is no longer important for me to feel befriended by the more popular people. My worth has nothing to do with their opinions, because my worth is determined by God. And He feels I'm pretty important and worth His Son's life! But I digress.....sometimes I do that. haha The point is that I am very glad that I went and was able to catch up with everyone!

Update on Mom

I've had lots of emails, and I apologize for not emailing individually...so, here's the latest on Mom. We went back to the oncologist on Monday, July 30th to begin the 2nd round of 6 more chemo treatments. This should have her ending somewhere around the middle of November. The doctor told us that Mom is in the category of women who should benefit from the extra 6 treatments. We will go back on August 20th for the next treatment & see what the doc says!

A New Thing

OK, I'll admit it....sometimes I am influenced by my peers. First, Linda had a blogspot page, then Janet and now Leslie as well. I have come to see my friends' wisdom and started my own page. :) My hope is that eventually, I will be able to post all of my blogs just on this page! Right now, I feel as though I'm losing time trying to keep up with emails, myspace, facebook, etc. So, we will see how this goes!!