M & M hanging out!

On the Friday before Easter, Mom & I were blessed with the opportunity to go see Aunt Peggy, Uncle Phil as well as Marie & Parker!

I wish I had gotten a picture of Mom & Parker, but I was busy. They had fun playing with Parker's toys in the family room. I actually think that Mom might have had more fun than Parker. And that kept him entertained! haha Parker & Marie did take some time to play the piano. Jen, I think he's going to be a musician!






Marie & I were busy in the kitchen. Marie made cupcakes - from scratch! You rock girl! Then we mixed up some icing in different colors and decorated cupcakes & cookies. To say that we had fun would be an understatement. Marie has to be one of the coolest cousins EVER! :)

Waiting...

Here's what happened with Mom's CT scan last week. We went to the hospital to get the test done only to find that Mom had left her orders at home. She had them call Dr. Dy's office to give a verbal order and he wouldn't. He said he wanted to give her 4/1 chemo treatment longer to work. So, she will be getting the scan done on 4/21 (next Tuesday).

Now, in the past, Mom has gone in and asked to see a copy of her report. (FYI, this is legal because they are YOUR medical records - they can't deny you seeing them.) However, she has a 4/29 appointment w/Dr Dy. So she's going to wait until that appointment to find out the results. I think this is for that 'just in case they're bad' scenario. There's really no point in finding out the results before the appointment with him, then worrying over what he'll decide.

So I won't have any news on the treatment-front until after the 4/29 appointment.

Dreaded call from the oncologist....

Today, April 3rd, the oncologist's office called. Mom had chemo Wed, April 1st. At that appointment, they did her CA 125 (ovarian cancer marker). They called today with the reuslts....the numbers are still rising, even though she is taking chemo. The doctor said he's going to wait until Mom has her CT scan done to decide the next step. Her CT scan had originally been scheduled for April 22, but we called today to move it up to April 7. So it will most likely be the middle of April before we know anything.

I don't know what the doctor will say, but I have a few ideas of his options. Right now, Mom is on 3/5 a dose of chemo (due to her weakness in the beginning of this course of treatment). He may decide to give her the full dose and see if it is more effective. From what I've read, sometimes they decide radiation is beneficial (although our dr has never mentioned this). There's always the chance that the bloodwork was a fluke, but it had risen a few points last month as well, so my heart tells me that is not likely. If the CT scan shows that the cancer has spread to organs, such as liver, kidneys, pancreas, etc., the most likely option will be comfort measures through the Hospice program.

As I type the word Hospice, my heart sobs. It's not as if this hasn't been a possibility for a while. It's not as if Mom hasn't been miraculously surviving everything they said she wouldn't. It's not as though I haven't prepared myself many times in the past 2 years for the end of this horrid disease. It's not that I don't have faith that God knows what He's doing, He's God...He knows the beginning from the end. It's not that I feel as though I've been abandoned or forsaken by God because His presence has been ever-near throughout this entire time. It's not that I somehow think He's doing wrong by my mom....He loves her more than I ever could.

So why is my heart sobbing? Sadness....sadness at the thought of losing my mom at a younger-than-normal age. Losing my best friend, my confidant, the person who probably loves me the most in the entire world besides God. Sadness at thinking that she won't be there for me to talk to when things are tough, or good for that matter.

Yes, it's sad. But, my sadness at this time is almost on the side of silliness. We won't know the results of Mom's CT scan for probably another week. She could be miraculously healed by that time. Or I may be in a car wreck. Or...North Korea & the US could launch their missiles and we might find ourselves in the middle of a nuclear war. There's no telling what life will be like a week from now.

So for the time being, I'm going to choose to be thankful. Thankful for the awesome relationship I have with my mom. Thankful for the time I've had with her, and still do! Thankful that God is keeping His promise to never leave nor forsake me. Thankful...just because my heart is thankful to Him at this moment!

When the time comes that my mom is not on Earth with me, I will have plenty of time to grieve. But right now, I want whatever time we have left together to be awesome! I've been told that because of this sentiment, I am in denial. I really am not, I'm just choosing to believe Jesus when He said that each day has enough trouble of its own and not to worry about tomorrow.

I will write again after we get the results and talk to the doctor. Please keep Mom in your prayers. We have felt them sustaining us and are so thankful!!!

New Year's!!!

For the second year in a row, I was blessed with the opportunity to spend 5 days in Kansas City, MO at the Onething conference! It was such an awesome time!! This year the conference had an emphasis on End-times, which proved to be beyond interesting! We headed out Dec 28th & came back Jan 1st. I believe there were 18,000 in attendance - it is always so awe-inspiring to be amongst such a large number of like-minded people!

For New Year's Eve, we had 2nd row seats on the left side...so we were pretty close to the stage. The people in front of are the "dancing" section.

My camera didn't want to take very good pictures. Plus, I'm so short, I couldn't get a good view of the arena.

I stole, ehem, borrowed this picture from the IHOP facebook site. It's a clearer shot of the stage & attendees....from about 1/4 of the way back from the front! It was packed! The worship & teachings were absolutely amazing (as always)! And the time we spent as a group, fellowshiping with and ministering to one another were beyond words!

Christmas with my boys!!

Amanda, Jeremy & the boys were at her parents for Christmas. We had to delay our get-together because of the slick roads. But I did get to see them before I left!

It was too cute! As soon as Aunt Meredith got there holding a bag of presents, they knew what was going on! We told them they had to wait until Judson was up from his nap....so they spent a good 20 minutes telling Amanda "I really think Judson wants to wake up right now"! Too adorable!

I'm not strong enough, though...I caved. (Or maybe it was Amanda, but probably me!) They got to open their individual (non-sharing) presents before Judson woke up. Josiah is 5, so he's a pro at this Christmas present opening bit!

Jonathan got a Cars shirt that lights up. I didn't get a picture, but I'm pretty sure the shirt went about within half an hour after opening. It was a big hit! My favorite thing was hearing him say "I think...it's another box!" I'm sure that was a learned phrase either from Daddy or an uncle......hmm....maybe Grandpa.....


Finally, they got to wake Judson up to open his presents (and the shared presents). I'm convinced that I only need to get bags filled with tissue paper until the 3rd Christmas! I love watching kids open presents!


Ah, I did get a picture of the Cars shirt! They got books to share, as well as a puzzle book that they played with. They each got clothes. I really wasn't being cheap. They're moving to Brazil within the next few months, and I was honestly thinking of shipping prices for their mama!


I'm so thankful I got to spend time with the Tylers this year at Christmas! Especially since they will most likely be in Brazil by the next one. Hmm...do I sense a sub-tropical Christmas trip coming? Possibly! No, really, I have an invite from Jeremy - to the jungle...he wants to take me where I'll get be-headed. Amanda said I can come 2 times - in the city & the jungle. She must want to spend time with me before the be-heading! It's good to have best friends that go way back! :)

Christmas!!

I believe it is official. I love to take pictures, but am really the worst person to take pictures at gatherings. I get too involved talking (I know, no one can believe that! haha) and I forget to take pictures! So here's what few I have...

I think I went a little overboard on the goodies for no more people than we had. :) But it was fun! I really liked the white chocolate/peppermint fudge recipe!

Here was our true entertainment for the evening! Parker! It's been a LONG time since there were little ones at our house for Christmas. Jen & I are close in age, then Chelle follows by 2 1/2 years. So, yeah, it's been over 25 years since we've had a baby at the house on Christmas! He is such a happy baby and was so much fun! I'll have to get a copy of the pic where he & I are playing a piano duet!

Jeannine, Aunt Peg & Jen are all modeling their new scarves & hats. I got a loom this fall and had a blast! They all look so cute!

And the tradition continues....We actually open presents on Christmas Eve night. So when everyone else leaves, we clean up quickly, then pile all of our presents to one another under the tree. And this is the last picture I took - not a single picture of present-opening. Guess I was just too excited!!

Mom's retirement party

OK, so it's been a long while coming, but Mom had her retirement party on Columbus Day - even though she officially retired on September 1st. She was really fairly weak here, but it seemed strong to us at the time. I am so thankful that God doesn't let us vividly remember really bad and tough stuff sometimes. I don't want to relive those months for anything...and I know Mom doesn't either.

The girls in Mom's office know she's a big Christmas person, so she got tons of snowmen stuff & a really pretty Thomas Kincaide clock that plays a traditional Christmas carol every hour. It provided lots of pretty musical entertainment for us!

In this picture, on Mom's left is Judy Walsh. Mom & Judy are old-school nurses who worked together at the hospital WAY back in the day - before all us children came along! Judy hasn't been really well for a while either, so it was a huge surprise to see her there. Mom was SO surprised that she came, I think she almost cried! It was really sweet.



Rita, one of mom's co-workers in Respiratory, got Mom the singing snowmen from Hallmark! Another big hit at our house through Christmas!

For your retirement, the hospital counts your years of service, then you pick an item out of a catalog that matches the amount they spend for however many years. Mom saw this painting in the catalog and decided it would be hers. It's entitled "Sunday Morning" and it is really pretty - very peaceful and serene.
Mom's retirement was a strange moment for me. When it was all said and done, my mother worked at Clay County Hospital 32 years out of the last 40. She started working there in high school, went to nursing school, left a few times haha, but always went back. This time she had been there I believe for 18 years.
CCH seems more like a part of our family than actually family members sometimes! My mom worked there forever. Daddy worked there - that's how he & Mom met. I worked there all through high school and college. And now my sister works there. So we've made and maintained many friendships throughout these years!

Thanksgiving!

Another Thanksgiving Day has arrived. I honestly try to spend time each day being thankful, but when a holiday is completely dedicated to this concept, I try to spend a little more time contemplating.

This past Sunday at church our pastor asked us to answer aloud 'what are you thankful for?" I listened to everyone's response, all the while thinking "I should be speaking that I am thankful for my mom still being alive" but I didn't feel led to say anything. So I spent some time praying & contemplating "For what am I truly thankful?" Finally I gave an answer. "I am thankful for my mom's health improving and the start of restoration that I am seeing in her. But even more than that, I am thankful that if the outcome had been different and I were without a mother, I am thankful that my God has been faithful to His promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me."

There are so many things for which we all have reason to be thankful. The fact that we are breathing means we're alive to serve Him another day. The family members and friends that we still have with us. Most likely if you're reading this, you share the thanks that I do of having shelter provided, as well as food to eat. Those of us that are living in America should be thankful for the freedoms that we still have - one of the most important being the freedom to worship God freely.

I am most thankful, though, for my God who loves me. The Lord that says "you have ravished My heart with one glance of your eye." The God that loves me through it all and never leaves my side. Oh how much I have to be thankful for!!

Mom's home again!

Here's the latest....Sorry it's been so long in coming.

Right after I posted the last blog in September, Mom got really sick and had to go back into the hospital. Her white blood count was about 1,000 (normal is 5,000-10,000). The oncologist came to see her, met me in the hallway and asked if me and my family were prepared because she was most likely not going to make it out of the hospital and maybe not even through that night. We assumed it was the chemotherapy bringing her white count down, only to find that she was septic - staph infection in the blood system.

On Columbus Day, Mom had her retirement party and came home the next afternoon! She got so much better with the antibiotics they had her on! She came home on a Tuesday and was doing alright. By Sunday evening (Oct 19), though, we had to call the ambulance to take her to ER because she wasn't strong enough to even sit up in the bed really. The Paramedic told us afterwards that he didn't think she would even make it into the hospital. She was spiking fevers, then they would break as fast as they spiked. It was crazy scary! They did more blood cultures and we found that she was septic again (or still in my opinion). It seemed that she got better everytime she was in the hospital for 2 weeks on antibiotics, but when we got her home for a few days (not on IV antibiotics), she was worse again.

The oncologist came in again and said "We're at the end of what we can do. We just can't do anymore chemotherapy with this infection. She should probably go home on Hospice". Then he said that he thought Mom's portacath (the catheter that was surgically sewn into her chest for easier vein access) was the source of her staph infection. So she had to have it removed, and a central line put in her neck. After a week of antibiotics, she had a new portacath put in yesterday afternoon. The oncologist came back yesterday (3 weeks after the day he said that she wouldn't make it) and said "You're doing so great! We're re-starting chemotherapy on Wednesday" Yeah, that means tomorrow! Honestly, I'm a little nervous about this....I don't want her white count to drop again if the port wasn't the source of the staph infection. But we're pretty sure it was. And, this time, I know more of what to watch for, so I can take her to the hospital quicker. The past 5 days, though, she says she feels better than she's felt since August. And all of the hospita staff and doctors agree that she appears stronger and healthier than she's been since August!

OK, now you're as up-to-date as I am! I am sorry that I didn't email or write sooner, but it's been a hectic month! Plus, I never knew from one moment to the next what to tell anyone. We're very thankful for all of the thoughts and prayers that we know have been with us through all of this! Mom just has this strength about her that I know is God-given. The surgeon who put her port in, then out, then in again haha said he wouldn't sign for Mom to be on hospice because he thinks she will live longer than 6 months. Actually he said "I wouldn't put my money on your mom dying because that is not a safe bet!" She is an amazing person....I know that I have been so blessed that God made her my mom! I also know that our family is blessed that all of you remember us in your prayers! Thank you so much! Were it not for the grace and strength of God, I'm positive we wouldn't have made it through all of this! I will try to keep posted better! And maybe find some pictures of Mom's retirement party to post!

Latest in Weaverville...

This past week has been hectic to say the least! Thank you all for the cards, emails and phone calls. I'm terribly sorry that I haven't had time to respond individually....but I promise I will try once we find a new 'norm' around here.

On Monday, the oncologist came to see Mom at the hospital. He said that he wanted to bump her up to a stronger chemotherapy medication - meaning it should work faster, but she will most likely have worse side effects. He also said that he should know within 2 months whether this chemo will be working. Basically, if it doesn't work, we've got no other options. Tuesday, after hours of fighting (well, maybe fighting isn't the right word...we'll say disagreeing -- something a little loudly, haha) with the nurses at the hospital as well as home health, she finally was able to come home after a 27 day stay at the hospital! She came home on IV medications with pumps and such. So, the way they had explained it to me was that the home health nurses would come to the house to take care of stuff. In reality, though, the home health nurses have taught me how to mix drugs and use the pumps myself, since they keep saying 'you'll have to be here 24/7'. So, 'Nurse Meredith' (who never had an earthly desire to be a nurse and STILL doesn't) has had to rely upon the strength of the Lord to get through this time. I am mixing drugs - just the vitamins in the TPN, but still it involves vials and needles with big syringes. I am flushing out her line and hooking up new tubing to her IV/Cath line. And, I'm in charge of the ileostomy bag - the bag that just doesn't want to stay on for more than 72 hours at a time.....and these bags always choose to leak before I get out of bed. :( Nervous, tired and just plain worn out at 6:30 in the morning doesn't make for a nice nurse...but again, God's giving the strength. On Wednesday, we went to Effingham for Mom to start this new chemo drug. She did very well through the treatment and has had none of the allergic reaction/side effects to be present as of yet -- definite blessing!

On Thursday, she was actually up & walking around (with the help of someone carrying her med pumps). She had a pretty decent appetite as well. Friday came, though, and the normal 2 - 7 days of 'blagh' after chemo seem to have set in. She slept most of the day Friday and Saturday. She hasn't seemed to have been in as much pain as she was, but she's getting lots of pain meds, so maybe that has something to do with it.

OK, there's the update on how the week went. Here comes the praise reports and prayer requests.

Praises: We're so very thankful that Aunt Peggy was here a LOT this past week, helping me get the house reorganized, cleaned up and doing cooking while I was setting into a routine with Mom's medicine! I'm also thankful that I worked as a Pharmacy Tech in the past & the pharmacist taught me how to do some TPN stuff then -- shhh don't tell. I'm also thankful that when Grandma was living & taking insulin, I was able to give her a lot of her shots - allowing me to not be uneasy about it now while giving them to Mom.

Requests: We're continuing to pray for healing...God is still in that business! Please pray for continued peace. We know that the peace of God has been residing here, but sometimes we have trouble claiming it. :) And, please just continue to pray for Mom.

One last thing....we did have an awesome experience. On Monday night, Mom got really upset after the oncologist told us about knowing within 2 months about the chemo. Anyway, when she got really upset, her pain rate went up and we had trouble getting it under control. She asked me, Michelle and Aunt Peg to stay the night with her. So, while Chelle & Aunt Peg were sleeping, I was sitting up with Mom praying. I remember distinctively praying that God would send His angels to give Mom peace and relief from pain. Around 4:00, I woke up to Mom yelling 'Meredith, Meredith! Wake up! The angel is here, my pain is gone, and the angel said to wake you up and let you know he's here.....just look at him!' I prayed God would give me eyes to see, but that didn't happen. However, I didn't need to see that angel with my physical , because I knew that God had answered prayers and given Mom rest. The nurses and staff laughed at me and Mom...saying she had enough drugs to make her hallucinate - which she did. But, they must not know the God that I know and they apparently don't know about His love for my mom! Thanks again for all your prayers -- and time in reading this!