More at peace than I was...

OK. So today was a little better than last night. I still feel like I don't fit in...but with the extra prayers of a friend going up....I am not feeling as bad as I did last night! I have more peace about not fitting in. :) Praise God!

Isn't it funny how 2 sentences can trigger feelings & memories of things said over the past year? That's what happened last night. After 2 sentences were said..a whole plethora of memories flooded my mind of how I felt hurt by statements made in the past and the way those statements made me feel.

On top of all of my feelings ranging from anger to hurt (and everywhere in between), I realized that normally I would talk all of these things over with my mom. Even when I lived in China, I talked to my mom quite frequently and she was always more than willing to be my sounding board. I miss her not being here for me to talk to. My mom loved to let me vent and then watch me sort out my feelings and thoughts. Then when I figured out what was at the root of everything and how I needed to deal with it, she would smile & say, "Yep, I knew you'd figure out what you needed to do." She was an amazing mama who was an amazing teacher like that. She made sure we knew how to think for ourselves and make decisions on our own. But a sounding board was never a bad thing to have!

I realized tonight how much God has blessed me. I don't have my mama here, and she's definitely the person I want to talk with to work things out. But because we live in a not-perfect, fallen world, she isn't here anymore. God, however, in all of His graciousness, has provided me with wonderful family and friends. They're not here to take Mom's place, but He's provided them to help fill the void. I am so thankful that He is such a good God. He could have let me lose my mom and not sent anyone else to help me out. However, I realized that 3 nights this week alone, I have spoken to 3 different "mamas" that He's provided me. And last week, I ran into 2 different "grandmas" that I've known & loved (and have loved me) since I was born. All of these people are in my spiritual family. And I am once again humbled by the awesomeness of my God - that He truly adopts and brings us into a family! And I have family everywhere! Oh what a good, good God!