Daddy's birthday

Dad's birthday was May 18th. I didn't make the cake for his birthday. We'd just gotten back from Florida and school was still in session, so I was pretty busy then. We did have a party for him, though. I found a CD with some oldies that he loved!

Here he is cheesin it up with my gifts :)

Florida!

In about 8 hours, my family will be leaving for the airport where we will be flying into Tampa, Florida! Then we'll be driving to Lakeland to stay at my aunt's house. Now, many of you know that Florida is not my favorite place to be or live. But, after my short time of living there, I have come to appreciate the finer qualities it has to offer = beaches and shopping! I was never a beach-lover in my early years. Well, even in some of my later years. But I have to say something about that changed in the Philippines. I wouldn't want to be there everyday, but I have a great appreciation for the beach now! And shopping...hello! Discount stores with really cool clothes!!

So, this morning at church, our pastor gave his "shortest" message ever. The message was what he'd heard from God. "GO". Yeah...I say that he cheated because he did a lot of explaining before & after -- I call that part of the message, but I digress.

The message was to each individual and for us as a body. We're commanded to go. So he had us to seek where we were to go and what we were to go do. I heard people giving some great stuff, nothing really specific, but still awesome. When I really listened to the Lord and was honest, this is what I heard Him say. "Go and continue to seek my face. Go about my business on a daily basis. Go, be aware and fulfill the opportunities I place in front of you. Go about the business of waiting to hear from Me for the next step that I will show you. Go about these things daily and the day will come that I will release you from this waiting period and send you out again."

So, here I am....still waiting on Him. Waiting is an action, not simply twiddling my thumbs. I still have to be about His business -- seeing needs & filling them, being a blessing wherever I go -- right where I am at the moment. I know that the day will come that He will give me the next step and release me....until then I will continue seeking His heart.

Beautiful Spring Day!!

Wow! Have you been outside at all today? I pray that wherever you are, it was just as gorgeous as it was at my house! I never used to really love or appreciate springtime. I have allergies, so the onset of spring usually means onset of allergies. Fortunately, they haven't acted up yet!

As I was driving to town today, I realized that I hadn't really experienced spring for a while. In 2006, I was living in China -- no real season changes there. Last year, 2007, Mom was fighting for her life - chemo, surgery, etc. So I am more than ready for spring time this year!!

Plus, I am praising God for allowing people to have wisdom and intelligence to make medicines! Over a week ago, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. They're thinking I've most likely had it for at least 10 years, I've just had the bad symptoms for a year. Anyway, they put me on this new drug, Lyrica. (If you watch any TV, you've probably seen the ad.) It's taken a little while for my brain to not be woozy and we're still trying to get the right dosage. But, let me tell you something! I was more active in 12 hours today than I have been for probably the last 3 months altogether. I cleaned the house, like spring cleaning type. I went for a walk/jog....I know, me jogging haha I baked cupcakes for church dinner on Sunday....I had to make the cake mix from scratch because I had apparently used the last box for Chelle's birthday. I went to town to do a little shopping, stopped by and took Mom flowers at work. I know these sound like things most people do everyday, but I honestly haven't felt well enough to be that active for a long time!

While I was walking today, I kept looking toward the sky, knowing I was ravishing Jesus' heart by glancing at Him. But I also realized how much He ravishes my heart in the little things as well as the big. Everything was green, beautiful, fresh. And I felt pretty good. Oh, how I love my Jesus...and I know He loved me first!!

Wow...it's been a week. Just wanted to share some awesomeness God revealed to me more deeply this week.

For a while, I've been reading and meditating in the book Song of Solomon. This past week has been specifically on 4:9....."You have stolen (ravished) my heart, my sister, my bride. You've stolen (ravished) my heart with one glance of your eyes....."

I truly believe this book to be a paradigm of how Jesus, the Bridegroom, relates to us, His Bride. Following that logic, these words are spoken by the Lover, the Bridegroom....spoken to His Beloved, His Bride. I'm not for sure that I can convey this over the internet completely, in fact I'm sure I can't. But here's what I realized. I really meditated upon that...."you have ravished my heart, with one glance of your eyes." I have ravished, or stolen, the heart of Jesus. Take a minute to really dwell upon that. Me, you, each of us individually.....with all of my flaws, failures and sins....one glance, one simple glance of my eyes in His direction steals/ravishes the very heart of my Lord!

Then I was listening to worship music by Misty Edwards...she was singing this exact verse. Then the lyrics/worship went on to say "I hear you say as you gaze over the balcony of Heaven.....Oh angels, oh angels, look and see - through that dark night of faith, she is gazing at Me! oh angels, oh angels, look and see - through that cloud of unknowing, she's gazing at Me!" That completely hit me! When I'm in those unknown places, when I'm in the dark places - facing all kinds of junk....in those times when I look at Him, I'm not only stealing His heart. He's so moved at my glancing at Him that He's shouting at the angels to look & see....He's moved to the core. One time, I had this picture in my mind...that group of guys you see walking together, one in the center looks at a girl he likes. When the girl looks back at him & smiles...you know the scene, the guy tells his friends "did you see that? She totally looked at me! She's totally into me!" It's like Jesus is talking to the angels saying "did you see that? I love her soo much! She just looked at me! Did you see?!?!"

I know that when people are in a relationship, knowing that they've stolen someone else's heart - that they've ravished someone else's heart, it's an amazing feeling...one that most married people I know can't quite put into words. That's exactly what I have been experiencing this past week more than before. I, ME, I have stolen His heart. He loves me as no earthly lover ever could. I don't have to look a certain way, smell a certain way, do any certain things -- just glance at Him and it steals His heart!

OK, well, that was longer than I intended, but I pray that you will meditate upon that Scripture. And I pray that God will show Himself as the ultimate Lover of your soul. Maybe you'll end up like me -- this past week, I have caught myself glancing up toward the Heavens & feeling giddy. In the tough times, I'm glancing toward the Jesus and feeling loved and ravished in a way I've never experienced! I pray that He will reveal to each of you what your worth is in His eyes. That He will help you to understand how much He loves you and how much valued by Him!

Waiting...

I was checking different accounts and pages tonight on the internet and realized that I haven't put anything new on here for a while. So here goes. :)

Mom's last chemo treatment was November 13th and she's still in remission! She's been extremely tired lately, maybe more than ever. So if you could please remember her in prayer, it would be appreciated. They said that it could take her body up to a year to rid itself of the chemo & its side effects. We are extremely thankful for how well she's doing, though, and we know it's only by the grace of God!

I find that I don't update much because it seems as though my life doesn't really change often. You probably know that I had a job interview back in October that I was totally stoked about. The position I interviewed for was an Abstinence Educator that goes into public schools teaching the message of abstinence over safe sex. It seemed like a perfect job for me, the interview went really well and all I had to do was wait 2 weeks for them to make a decision.

Well, I got an email stating they had decided not me. I was bummed, but I had so many of you praying God's Will for me that I know He has some reason. I don't understand His plans so much of the time, yet I know within me that His ways are always best.

So, after finding that I didn't get the job and having just a rather "blagh" month, I decided to do something for myself! I called my beautician and made a hair appointment. The picture below is the result. I am absolutely loving it!! I wanted purple highlights too, but realized that maybe a substitute teacher shouldn't do that. (At least not if I want to work & make money!! haha)

What am I doing now? Well, I'm waiting on God. I've been told that sounds like a generic answer that gives me freedom of responsibility and decision-making. That's not at all true, though. I was taught once by a very wise minister that waiting on God is not the same as doing nothing. While I'm waiting for Him to show me His next step, I'll keep seeking His Will to follow correctly. But more importantly, I am seeking Him....seeking His face, His presence. And, ya know what, in the moments where I earnestly seek Him, He lets me find Him. And those moments are worth far more than anything else could ever be!

This was after being in RAINY (i.e. frizzy) air all day!

Remission!

On Tuesday, November 13th, I took Mom to Dr. Dy (her oncologist) for her 12th chemo treatment. He said that her CA 125 (cancer marker) is down to 18, which means it is below the normal of 34. He also said that since she has completed 2 rounds of chemo, she is done (at least for now)! He said that her scans show no re-growth of any cancer and since the markers are down, he's calling her in remission. Actually, what he told us was "oh, did I not tell you? You've technically been in remission for a few weeks now." It was still very good news!!

We will continue to see him, most likely on a monthly basis. And she will have the blood test, the CT scans and exams done every 1-3 months. Because remission and cancer-free are not the same thing, we have to monitor this closely.

Thank you all for your prayers, calls, letters and thoughts. We're very aware of the fact that God has had His hand on this from the very beginning. We're also aware that her cancer is aggressive and could come back on us quickly and she's also extremely worn out and experiencing a few long-term side effects from the chemo. So if you could continue to remember her in prayer, we'd greatly appreciate it! Thanks again!

The grass is sometimes greener...

I'm sure that you've gotten phone calls, cards or emails from friends who are sharing their great news. And you love that they are so blessed and that wonderful things are happening in their lives. I love when a friend calls to tell me that she or he is getting married! Or when I'm told that new babies will be entering our world! I love hearing that news and being excited for my friends!

Here's what happens sometimes, though. I'm 28 and single. Though I normally have NO problems with this, when multiple engagements and wedding talks take place at the same time, there comes that little question in the back of my mind "when, if ever, will it be my turn?" I love when my friends have babies! I love babies and little ones. I love being able to spoil them, play with them and do my part to point them toward the Lord. I love being Aunt Meredith! But that question comes again "will I ever get to have one of my own?" I see the divorce rates rising and think....some of these women are leaving 2 awesome husbands throughout their lifetimes and I don't even get one to love and cherish. And having worked in child welfare, I know that there are MANY people who have children that they don't love and nurture, yet I'm single so no children for me. I guess that's another time that life just doesn't seem fair.

However, I look over the events of my life, the last few months and even the past week. My parents have been sick and by being single and child-free, I have been with them almost every waking moment to help take care of them, talk with them and just be with them. I wouldn't trade the time with them for anything. By being single, I was able to decide in 12 hours that I would pack up and move to China for a year. I was also able to decide to move to Florida for a few months to work with a church plant. And last week, I was able to pack up, drive my parents to Ohio and see aunts & cousins on a moment's notice.

Yes, I would love to be married and become a mother one day. But, right now I can see that the grass is pretty green on my side. I can vacation when I want, I can move if I want, I can come and go as I please. I can spend my money spoiling everyone else's children, love their kids and be loved by their kids....and when the diapers are dirty - I can pass them back to their mommy!

Yes, the grass is pretty green here!

Blessings upon blessings....

This has been a busy week! Monday, I took Mom to a new orthopaedic, this time in Vincennes. This is the clinic that I frequented for my knee problems/surgery for many, many years. My grandma (who had degenerative joint disease) also frequented this clinic, and she was actually a patient of the doctor Mom saw. Anyway.....we walked in fairly skeptical. The last ortho we saw told Mom that her shoulders had severe deteriorative arthritis and "Mrs. Weaver, you know, you have cancer and probably will die....you should just see if your oncologist will prescribe stronger pain medicine". Needless to say, that was the last time we visited him. The doctor in Vincennes said that Mom only has minimal arthritis and a lot of tendonitis. He said that he will do steroid injections in each shoulder every 6-8 weeks to relieve her pain. He injected the right one Monday and now she's able to move her arm above her head (she hasn't done that for months)!

On Tuesday, we went to the oncologist for Mom's 11th chemo treatment. The doctor told us that Mom's cancer marker dropped from 23 to 17. He was so excited (and we were a little bit too haha)! He said that if everything is still good in 3 weeks, the Nov. 13th treatment should be the last chemo treatment for a while. And, she might even be able to go back to work full-time after the first of the year! Praise the Lord for His blessings!

Thank you all for your continued prayers through all of this!

CT scans and humor...

So, Mom had her latest CT scan done this week. She signed the release & went in to read the report (before it was sent to the doctor). Then she called to let me know what it said. The report read that everything looked normal, except her lung that has been partially collapsed for quite some time. The interesting part was that, according to the report, her uterus looked normal. What makes that so interesting, you ask? Well, she had a radical hysterectomy done on Feb. 28, meaning she has no uterus. This caused us a little stress because we thought they might be seeing a tumor that was that large. Come to find out...it was just a mistake on the doctor's dictation.

Here's a little insight into the mind of my mother, though. When she was around 19 years old, she had her appendix removed. When she had surgery on Feb. 28th, we were charged for an appendectomy. So, my mother says "I have figured it out. The doc had to remove my appendix for the 2nd time in my life. And now my uterus looks normal on the CT scan. I understand it now.....every time they take out one of my parts, it just regenerates. I'm going to live forever and never die since all my parts keep growing back!" haha Have I told you that I love my mom and her sense of humor through all of this?!

Oct 1 oncologist visit....

Today, Oct 1, Mom & I went to see Dr. Dy, Mom's oncologist. By the way, his name is pronounced "D", not "die". lol We get a lot of confused looks & questions! haha

Anyway, we went this morning for Mom's chemo. We had concerns to talk over with the doctor. Concerns such as the spot on the liver and lung that one radiologist thought he saw. And, the fact that Mom gained 7 pounds in one week and her abdomen was extremely hard and swollen (much like it was with the initial cancer fluid build-up).

Well, I know that many of you were and are praying...and I want to THANK YOU! He said that he really doesn't believe there's any cancer on her liver or lung because her cancer marker numbers are not increasing at all. Normally when ovarian cancer spreads and makes fluid, the cancer levels sky rocket! He also said that he believes the fluid is building up on Mom as a side effect from the chemotherapy drug she is on. He wants to make sure, though, so 2 weeks from today she will be having pelvic and abdominal CT scans done.

I have to tell you, though, Dr. Dy is a highly excitable doctor. With my mom having been a nurse for so long, medical emergencies aren't usually emergencies in my family. lol So, Dr. Dy is normally WAY more excited than we are. So when he just brushed it all off and said it wasn't anything to worry about, it makes it very easy to believe. I have a feeling I will feel more settled once we see the CT scan results, but after listening to the doctor, it does make sense that her numbers would have jumped up.

So, again, thank you so much for the prayers! We definitely felt them and know that they were heard & answered!