Yesterday was my first day of subbing in this new school year. On my way to school, I was thinking about how I have been subbing off and on for a long time. And I found myself praying for the students, as I often do. And praying for me, for patience, grace and that the students can see Jesus in me. Well, as I was driving home yesterday, I realized that even though I forgot to pray for it, I was thankful that I had seen Jesus in my students.
I had a high school student to ask "Miss Weaver, are you ever going to get a real teaching degree and become a real teacher? You've been subbing forever."
I smiled at him, then replied "Well, I have a Master's of Arts in Teaching, so I think that counts as a real degree. And, I also have a teaching license, so I believe that makes me a real teacher. Now, I think what you're really wanting to know is why I keep subbing and don't have a full-time teaching position. And that reason is - I take care of my father who can't live by himself since my mother passed away, and my first priority is being here for him."
The student replied "I am so sorry, now I feel like a jerk. You're doing a good thing and I made fun of it. I really am sorry, Miss Weaver, I promise I didn't mean any disrespect."
I told him that no harm was done, that we were cool and assured him that he wasn't a jerk, at least not this time. lol :) We all chuckled and the keyboarding lesson resumed.
I wish that adults could learn to be kind and understand someone's situation before judging them. I can't count the number of times I've been called irresponsible, lazy or immature by adults who know my situation, some who are even my friends yet say these things behind my back. I may not always enjoy this season of my life, but I know that God will always remember my obedience to do what He's asked me to do. And that far outweighs peoples' opinions of me.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
He Says I'm Enough
We go through seasons in this life. Some seasons are short, others seem to last an entire lifetime, while most fall somewhere in between. And we never know how long the season will be until it’s over. During prayer and worship the other night, I didn’t go up to the altar for prayer partly because my heavy heart was affecting my feet, but mostly because I couldn’t find a way to put my heavy heart in to words. So, in between tears and sobs, I was trying to praise God’s goodness and claim His promises. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I had no problem praising His Name, for He is great and greatly to be praised. I was just desperately struggling to claim His greatness in my life.
You see, my heart was struggling. As of late, it seems that no matter what I do, the message I get (sometimes external other times internal) is that I’m not enough, haven’t tried hard enough, haven't loved enough, and haven’t given enough...I’m unaccepted, undesirable, unworthy. And it’s left me exhausted and feeling dreadfully inadequate. And I have a feeling I’m not the only one who has ever struggled in a season like this.
While I was sobbing, a friend was praying amazing things over me. And while I was sobbing, I was agreeing with her, praying and hoping those things were or would be true. And my heart felt calmed, that someone believed I was enough and worth time. Then, my friend kept her hand on my arm, but she was far enough away I could no longer hear what she was praying. And I felt myself longing to hear that she believed I was worthy of prayer, worthy of her time, worthy of God’s time.
And then God spoke to me. I was looking for assurance from outside sources, but as His child, I should be looking only to Him. He says that I am enough, beyond enough and worthy of His time and love. Even when I struggle, even when I fail, I am enough through Jesus’ blood and my willing heart, I am enough for Him. People, both from inside and outside of the Church, may tell you that you will never be enough – never smart enough, fast enough, talented enough, kind enough, compassionate enough, never enough. But God says that’s not true! His love isn’t based on performance. He says I’m enough because He created me! I’m important to Him! I am worth enough to Him that He sent His son to die on the cross in my place! He delights in me! He says my face is lovely and my voice is sweet! And beloved, He says the very same things about you too! And that’s so beautiful, because after all, His opinion is the only one that matters!
You see, my heart was struggling. As of late, it seems that no matter what I do, the message I get (sometimes external other times internal) is that I’m not enough, haven’t tried hard enough, haven't loved enough, and haven’t given enough...I’m unaccepted, undesirable, unworthy. And it’s left me exhausted and feeling dreadfully inadequate. And I have a feeling I’m not the only one who has ever struggled in a season like this.
While I was sobbing, a friend was praying amazing things over me. And while I was sobbing, I was agreeing with her, praying and hoping those things were or would be true. And my heart felt calmed, that someone believed I was enough and worth time. Then, my friend kept her hand on my arm, but she was far enough away I could no longer hear what she was praying. And I felt myself longing to hear that she believed I was worthy of prayer, worthy of her time, worthy of God’s time.
And then God spoke to me. I was looking for assurance from outside sources, but as His child, I should be looking only to Him. He says that I am enough, beyond enough and worthy of His time and love. Even when I struggle, even when I fail, I am enough through Jesus’ blood and my willing heart, I am enough for Him. People, both from inside and outside of the Church, may tell you that you will never be enough – never smart enough, fast enough, talented enough, kind enough, compassionate enough, never enough. But God says that’s not true! His love isn’t based on performance. He says I’m enough because He created me! I’m important to Him! I am worth enough to Him that He sent His son to die on the cross in my place! He delights in me! He says my face is lovely and my voice is sweet! And beloved, He says the very same things about you too! And that’s so beautiful, because after all, His opinion is the only one that matters!
Friday, August 12, 2016
Grandma
This lady! Oh, how I wish I had more years with her. But, I am fully aware how blessed I was to live next door to or with her for all of the 19 years I got to be loved by her on Earth. She wasn't perfect. Nope, she wasn't. But she didn't claim to be either. Oh how she loved with her all! She was a McGrew...which leads many to understand she could have a temper. lol She and Grandpa would argue, oh my, over the tiniest thing. (Sometimes, as any couple married 62 years would, they legitimately argued...other times, well Grandpa was a Meredith and some of them have been known to torment for entertainment's sake. Ha!) And she NEVER forgot what the argument was about, because this woman with a 6th grade education could remember EVERYTHING! I personally witnessed several times that family members or friends would show up on the doorstep to ask Grandma to settle an argument based on happening 50 years prior. And by the time they left, all parties had concluded that Grandma was exactly right, remembering every last detail. And, before they left, they were usually filled with some kind of delicious food! I still suspect her siblings and in-laws came to "settle an argument" close to meal-time on purpose. And why wouldn't they? She was legitimately one of the best cooks EVER. I know a lot of people think that about their grandmothers...but many of those people are wrong. :) Seriously, I watched this woman cook meals for 10-25 people with NO recipes, MULTIPLE dishes AND she could time them to all be done at just the right time. Also, I know she did this her entire married life on a very tight budget...but no one left Helen Meredith's house hungry...or even having room enough for a tiny piece of candy!
I know that living in her house makes it easier for me to remember her, but honestly, I don't think it matters where I am...I'm pretty sure I'll always remember her on a regular basis. My grandparents were such a second set of parents to me, I know and am thankful that a lot of who I am today is because of them. She either taught or helped teach me how to cook, how to can veggies & fruits, how to sew, how to pay attention to little details, how to love people and always be hospitable. But most importantly, she taught me how to love the Lord. I am a worshiper...it's the way God made me. And, though she couldn't carry a tune to save her life, Grandma was a worshiper too. Oh so many Sundays of sitting next to Grandma covering my ears or glaring her direction because she couldn't find the note to sing. And she would (sometimes a bit shortly) remind me that Jesus loved the sound of her voice...and that's all that matters! (Though when I was feeling feisty, I'd remind her that she was singing in my ears...a sound that wasn't joyful to me! lol) I'm pretty sure that she's finally able to harmonize with my mom...and I have this feeling they're singing His praises, worshiping at His feet right now. (True worship is obedience, not just singing. But we will worship the Lord by singing His praises in Heaven...and even Grandma hoped she would get a better voice!)
In 100 years, there won't be anyone on Earth who remembers Helen Meredith personally. And since by worldly standards, she never did anything super impressive, there may not even be many who remember her in stories. But I know that she loved God, her family, her church family and her neighbor well. And I know that she spent so many hours before the Lord, lifting up the needs and hearts of so many who never even knew she was praying. But God knows, and He remembers. And He'll remember it in 100 years, 1000 years, 10,000 years...He will never forget how precious she is to His heart. And I know that I will never forget how thankful I am that God gave me Helen Irene (born as Olive Modine, but that's a different story lol) McGrew Meredith for a grandmother.
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Olympics & Memories
I'm not an athlete, but I love watching the Olympics! The first Olympics I remember were the '84 winter Olympics. My mom always loved ice skating & I remember watching Scott Hamilton win the gold. And I loved it! But, my favorites in '84 were the summer games! I loved watching Mary Lou Retton, Greg Louganis and Jackie Joyner Kersee.
My all-time favorite, though, was Florence Griffith Joyner!! I LOVED to run when I was a little kid, partly because I was always in a hurry, but also because the only time I didn't have to wear my corrective shoes was when I was running. Originally, I wasn't given that privilege, however, I managed to wear the soles out of those expensive shoes too quickly! lol And the doctors said running was good for my hips and feet once I had quit walking on the outside of my ankles. So I'd shed those metal lined ugly shoes for cool tennis shoes and take off! That was before the summer of steroids and house arrest (awful allergies). I could run faster than a lot of kids could ride their bikes. In fact, I can remember my parents riding their bikes, Michelle on the back of Mom's bike, and me running ahead of them down the road. And I would always beg whoever was nearby to time me. I wasn't usually racing against anyone but myself. I'm still quite a bit that way. Oh, I don't mind competition with others and I do like to win...but since I was a little kid, I've always competed with myself. I always want to be better and do better than the time before.
Back to the summer of 1984... I can clearly remember my life goals. My 2 big dreams that summer were to marry Dr. Naney :) and run like Flo-Jo in the Olympics! I even grew my nails out as long as I could so they'd look like Flo-Jo's (until a game of tag in 1st grade took an unfortunate turn and I drew blood by tagging someone's arm lol). Dr. Naney (who was no spring chicken when I was 5 haha) has since passed on and any chance of being an Olympic athlete passed quite a while before then, so I suppose it's a good thing Jesus helped me make new goals. :) I know that I'll never forget watching those games in our hot mobile home with my momma and my need to chant U-S-A every time our favorites were on the screen!
My all-time favorite, though, was Florence Griffith Joyner!! I LOVED to run when I was a little kid, partly because I was always in a hurry, but also because the only time I didn't have to wear my corrective shoes was when I was running. Originally, I wasn't given that privilege, however, I managed to wear the soles out of those expensive shoes too quickly! lol And the doctors said running was good for my hips and feet once I had quit walking on the outside of my ankles. So I'd shed those metal lined ugly shoes for cool tennis shoes and take off! That was before the summer of steroids and house arrest (awful allergies). I could run faster than a lot of kids could ride their bikes. In fact, I can remember my parents riding their bikes, Michelle on the back of Mom's bike, and me running ahead of them down the road. And I would always beg whoever was nearby to time me. I wasn't usually racing against anyone but myself. I'm still quite a bit that way. Oh, I don't mind competition with others and I do like to win...but since I was a little kid, I've always competed with myself. I always want to be better and do better than the time before.
Back to the summer of 1984... I can clearly remember my life goals. My 2 big dreams that summer were to marry Dr. Naney :) and run like Flo-Jo in the Olympics! I even grew my nails out as long as I could so they'd look like Flo-Jo's (until a game of tag in 1st grade took an unfortunate turn and I drew blood by tagging someone's arm lol). Dr. Naney (who was no spring chicken when I was 5 haha) has since passed on and any chance of being an Olympic athlete passed quite a while before then, so I suppose it's a good thing Jesus helped me make new goals. :) I know that I'll never forget watching those games in our hot mobile home with my momma and my need to chant U-S-A every time our favorites were on the screen!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)