Until a few years ago, I would never have thought twice about sharing details of my life (good and bad, easy and hard) with those in the Body of Christ. I mean, that's how the Body serves one another as a family...by sharing life. Now, though, I put everything through a filter. And my filter is at times so small, that I end up sharing nothing, or if I share, it's only the good/easy things.
A few years ago, I was going through a particularly hard season. After two extremely difficult weeks where I hadn't spoken to anyone outside of those who were much of the source of my difficult weeks, I found myself with God-family friends. When they asked how things were going, I was honest. I shared some of the hurts...things that were said and done, who said or did these things (because who they were in my life added to the sting). When I got done sharing some of these things, I was already feeling lighter. I had needed to tell a physical person what had made my heart hurt so badly. And the response I was received was to quit complaining. I took the response to the Lord in prayer and added to my pain the extreme guilt that I felt over this. I spent hours on my face before the Lord asking Him to heal my heart and begging for His forgiveness. A few days later, I was with God-family I hadn't seen for a little while. We were together for hours, just catching up and sharing life. I determined I was only going to share good things, but in that season, there honestly was not much good other than breathing...and I'm still not sure that was good...being with Jesus was extremely appealing (more than normal). I was much quieter than normal, and answered their questions, using my filter to only answer positively...but some questions required sharing negative things to answer the questions honestly. At the end of our hours together, as we were saying goodbyes, I was told again that I shouldn't focus so much on the negative and I should not share so many negative things of life with people, lest I be seen as whining, and God doesn't like a whiner.
Know what has happened since those encounters that one week? I have gone from being a person who has always been an open book about the facts of my life, even though somewhat guarded with emotions, to someone who is now guarded with facts of life and only shares emotions when (amazing) friends pry them out of me. I'm thankful for these friends, but it is not fair that they have to work so hard to get my honest heart. And I'm trying to not be that way...I don't think it's healthy, and I definitely don't want to lose these beautiful friends because I'm too much work. And I take it to the Lord, asking Him what I am free to share and what should be reserved for just Him. The problem with this? I asked Him these questions before those encounters, and honestly thought I heard His voice clearly that these were people I was safe to share my heart with. Now, every time I think I hear Him say that some one's safe, I question my hearing, because apparently I didn't hear Him clearly before.
I've come to realize a few things over the past few years, though. Last week, I shared this with a friend (one of those who is willing to climb the walls I have up around my emotions) and I realized something. Both of these encounters included me being the only single person...I was always with married couples, which is extremely normal in the Church, at least in my rural area. I have an amazing memory (sometimes I hate it because it's hard for me to forget!), and I've re-watched these encounters in my mind more times than I care to admit, trying to figure out exactly what I said that was complaining or whining. And I've come to realize that I wasn't complaining, I wasn't whining, I wasn't expecting validation for some offense in my heart. I was simply sharing facts of my life and the shape they'd left my heart in. There's a really great chance every one of the people I was with does the same thing. They don't just share the facts of their lives, they vent about how those facts make them feel. But, they have a built-in listener/sounding board, because they're married. They can share these things with their spouse and not have it weighing so heavy on their heart when they're with church family. I'm single, I don't have that luxury. I noticed this wasn't as much of an issue for me until after my mom died. I was able to share the ups, the downs, the joys, the hurts...all of those things I shared with her. When she died, I not only had the grief of losing my mother, but the reality of losing my best friend. I was 30 when she died...all of my other friends had their best friends chosen. And former best friends were now married to their new best friends.
So what was the point of sharing all of that? Well, it definitely wasn't to bash anyone. I am not offended with or angered at these people. Reality is that they likely don't even remember saying anything. And if they do, I know they are people that love me and would definitely not have set out to hurt my heart. Just the opposite, actually, I believe these people would keep my heart from hurting if they could. I guess I'm hoping that anyone in the Church who reads this will be a little slower to label someone as a complainer. We all complain sometimes, and it's good for someone to point out our complaining if we aren't seeing it. But, sometimes people need a trusted friend to share their heart without being judged. And maybe even to give some insight to those who are married within the Church. I'm not pretending all married people live glamorous, stress-free lives. But, you do have someone to share your heart with on a regular basis. You can vent to your spouse when whatever issue arises on Thursday and it's out of your system in time for you to have it together on your way into church.
Yes, I do take everything to the Lord. I'm forever grateful that He never tires of hearing me. that He loves and longs to hear my voice. And I long to hear His voice! There are times, though, that I long to have someone that I can be completely open and honest with...someone with skin, someone that I can see...without the fear that I'm going to be judged or called out for sharing my life. I think we're created to be in community, in His family....that means being willing to be with a brother or sister when they're facing circumstances and praying with them when their heart feels shredded beyond repair by those circumstances, not shredding their heart even more.
