A
few years ago I was at a conference. The
session had just ended in prayer and the group I was with was deciding lunch
plans. All of the sudden, I could see
this picture before me so clearly. I
could still see everyone around me and I could hear them talking to me, but I couldn't answer them, I HAD to see what God was showing me. I suppose this was an “open vision” or
whatever you might choose to call it. I know I've had dreams, visions and words from the Lord, but I can tell you this has stuck in my remembrance for years.
While I was sitting in the chair in the auditorium, all of the sudden I could
see an autopsy table before me, think the stainless steel tables you see on CSI. Then, I saw Jesus standing, leaning over the
table. I moved closer to see what He was
doing. Then I saw that there was a heart
lying on the autopsy table. I knew that
it was mine. And I was overwhelmed with
the reality that this was all I had to offer Jesus, my heart and all that was
within it. To begin with, I was at peace
with this reality because I've known Him since a young age and have walked with
Him since then. I saw Jesus pick up a
scalpel in His right hand and my heart in His left. I was still at peace. He made an incision down the middle of the
heart and turn upside down so that the opening was facing the table. I just knew that whatever came out was all I
had to offer Him (the jewels in the crown I will throw at His feet). All of the sudden, I realized no pretty
jewels were falling out onto the table.
Instead, all I could see were these horrible black lumps of coal. I was crushed. I started to try to tell Jesus how sorry I
was, that I was so genuinely surprised to see that come out of my heart. He motioned me to come closer. I shook my head, refusing to be closer to
Him. He motioned for me to come closer
again, with this patient insistence. So,
I walked closer until I was standing next to Him.
His gaze directed me to look at the coal on the autopsy table. It was then that I saw each lump of coal had
writing on it….each had a different sin written… “pride”, “lying”, “lust”, “bitterness”,
just to name a few. I was appalled at
the contents of my heart. There were
sins that I honestly thought I had truly repented of and dealt with. Then, as I was weeping, staring at the coal,
Jesus reached His right hand down to the table.
He picked up a piece of coal and started squeezing it in the palm of His
hand. Immediately I said “NO,
Jesus! You can’t! You can’t touch my sins! You can’t get dirty handling my sins!” He said “Just wait and see.” He just kept squeezing his fist while I kept
weeping. After what seemed to be an
eternity, He turned to face me and held out His hand. I turned away, I didn't want to see His hand
dirty from that coal, my sin. He told me
“It’s OK, just take a look”. When I
looked at His hand, I saw one of the most beautiful diamonds shining,
glistening in the light! Oh how beautiful! I immediately picked up a piece of coal from
the table and began squeezing it in my palm, I didn't want Him to touch anymore
of my sins and I wanted beautiful stones to give Him. But when I looked at my hand, it was just
black and dirty. And the dirt kept
moving up my arm. I looked at Jesus’ arm
and realized, for the first time, His hand and arm were spotless…no coal dust
was there. So, I squeezed my hand
tighter. The dirt kept moving up and the
coal was not changing.
Jesus reached out, opened my hand and took the coal. He began His process again, squeezing His
fist, and another beautiful stone was the result! Then He leaned in and said “It only works
when I’m the one to do this. You can’t
cleanse sins, you can’t take the dirty coal and turn it into beautiful gems. When you allow me to apply pressure, though, that’s
when the transformation happens. You
kept crying out for me to not touch your sins, but don’t you remember, My
beloved? I took on your sin 2000 years
ago. I became sin so that this process
could take place!” By this time, I was a
sobbing heap on the floor at His feet. “Oh
Jesus, I’m so sorry. Please forgive
me! You deserve so much more than the
coal/sin in my heart, please take them away!
Please make them beautiful so that You may have a beautiful crown!” He pulled me up off of the floor and told me
again how important the pressure is to change the coal into diamond. How many times I think that the pressure is simply useless attacks from Satan, and while Jesus isn't causing evil, He is allowing it so that the transforming
pressure can occur.
Then He began picking up my sins one at a time, applying pressure and turning
them into beautiful gemstones. When
every piece of coal had been transformed into a gorgeous stone, He picked up my
heart and began placing the stones, one by one, back into my heart. Then He handed me my heart and told me to
remember to run to Him in the times of great pressure, to give my sin to Him so
that He could transform it.
My prayer, for you and me, is that when the hard times come, when the pressures
of this life become intense, we would turn to Him. Take all of our heart to Him, don’t hide
anything back, but let Him do His transforming work.
