I wasn't going to say anything, but my heart is just so troubled by a call that I received from a friend last week. She’s a fairly new believer and very newly plugged in to a church. She’s a smidge younger than me (early 30s). She’s single, never been married. She’s found a church where she has friends that attend and she really enjoys.
Here’s why my heart is breaking. She called to say that she’d been told her friends no longer feel comfortable spending so much time with her. Her friends are all married. And some of the church leaders had counseled her friends that it’s not wise to invite my friend (who is *gasp* single) because she’s probably trying to steal their husbands! She never called just to talk to the husbands. She never sought out time to be alone with the husbands. But, since she’s single, it’s a given that she’s out to wreck the marriage! This infuriates me!
And this hit a nerve, because I've had similar things said about and to me. It’s so sad that the Church not only allows this kind of mindset, but in some places, actually perpetuates this attitude. I remember when my friends and I were fresh out of college…starting the (first of many) wedding rounds. I was in a friend’s wedding, and at the rehearsal I found out I was walking down the aisle with the husband of the gal who was coordinating things. I was seriously confused when I took the guy’s offered arm to walk down the aisle (you know, like at a wedding), and his wife said “oh, I don’t think you need to be THAT close!” At the dinner after rehearsal, I overheard her telling others that since I was the only single gal there, they should watch out because I was probably after their husbands/fiancés. Seriously? I mean, it’s a wedding procession for goodness’ sake. And really, I didn't think your husband was all that. I thought it was a one-time incident, but sadly it wasn't.
I've had friends tell me that we just can’t be very close anymore because the leaders in their churches have warned them about being friends with a single woman…oddly no one’s been told this about their single male friends. Here’s the deal…God has not given me peace to date a divorced man whose wife left him. So, why on earth would I try to steal your husband?! Not to mention the fact that YOU ARE MY FRIEND….or at least supposed to be….why would I do anything to hurt you?! If I get married one day, and God-forbid you find yourself divorced or widowed, do I need to worry about you stealing my husband?? I should hope not!!
I am so very thankful for the brothers in Christ I have gained when my friends got married! I love my girl time with my gals….but I also love being able to hang out with them as a couple. I’m thankful for the sisters in Christ I now have when my guy friends got married! And I love when they have kids and I get to be the cool “Aunt Mere”. I’m thankful when I can ask a question about purchasing a furnace, get help on fixing the lawnmower, and get a guy’s perspective on how things are progressing (or not) with the guy I’m crushing on!
I’m concerned that I’m seeing/hearing an increase in the attitude that single women are out to steal husbands or worse yet, being accused of having a Jezebel spirit. The percentage of adults that are single is rising. I pray that doesn’t mean the accusations are going to increase as well. I pray for the day that single adults can be viewed as WHOLE, not half of a person. I pray for the day that genuine friendships are not viewed in any way other than Godly.
