The other day, I was told "You have no idea how lucky you are to be single. Being married is so hard, it's just so tough and so much work!" Yeah, my first thought in my head was to react with "No, really?! I would have never guessed that!" I didn't, though. I kept my thoughts to myself and just fake-smiled and nodded. Apparently, that was the wrong response. This person then proceeded to share with me all of the ways in which I am "lucky".
Since I'm single, I don't have to worry about looking good all of the time for my husband. Yeah, because you never want to look good for a potential spouse that you might randomly meet.
I don't have to worry about keeping my house clean. Yeah, because I love living in total filth when I'm alone.
I don't have to worry about meal planning. Yep, if I'd just quit eating, I'd probably start to look better, but then again, I don't have to worry about that. Oops, I already forgot.
I don't have to worry about schedules at all, since I'm the single, care-free gal! Yeah, us single folks, we never have to be anywhere on time, we can just show up to anything whenever we want. And those friends of ours who are married and have kids, they don't mind if we show up 3 hours later than the agreed-upon time, because we're single and sure they'll understand.
I am free all of the time to take on any volunteer role in the church with ALL of the free time I have, since I don't have anything else going on. Yes, I may have a little more time available to serve in the church than my married friends. However, when every ministry has this attitude, I end up being booked at least 5 nights a week, and many times more.
Yes, I'm using sarcasm here, but I'm honestly not trying to be rude. I'm just being honest regarding the things I've heard and personally been told. I fully understand that being married is hard. How could it not be? Two people who are supposed to live as one. That's two separate, individual free-wills trying to join together and operate as one. That has to be hard! I would not argue that at all. In fact, that's a part of the reason I'm not married...I understand how difficult that would be, so I have to be extremely 'picky' in whose proposal I accept.
Let me share with you part of the single-at-a-later-age-than-normal life that you might not find so glamorous. *Disclaimer: I am not trying to be mean, petty or ugly, I am simply sharing in honesty.
- While I do have independence (freedom as one married friend said), that can come with a cost. It's easy to forget I have to be totally dependent upon God, when I'm used to depending upon myself.
- EVERY decision that gets made is made by me. Again, while that may sound like freedom and independence, on a lot of bigger issues, it can be incredibly frightening. If I'd gotten married at 18 or 21, so few of the major life-changing decisions made in my life would have been made by just me.
- When I'm sick, I have no one who can run to the store to get my medicine or making me soup. Yes, I'm aware that many spouses don't do that (trust me, I have enough married friends who have shared this with me). And in regards to a cold or the flu, that's one thing. But, when it comes to have procedures or surgery done, I'm not only struggling alone with the decision, but also with the fact that I have no way to get home if I'm medicated. *Example: Last summer I went to the ER with HORRIBLE pain. I had a kidney stone - that caused the worst pain of any kidney stone since I was a kid. The doctor ordered a narcotic injection, but the waiting room was so full that I couldn't stay beyond 30 minutes, even though I couldn't drive for hours. So what happened you ask? I took 2 of my own extra-strength Tylenol and drove myself home. The vomiting finally stopped and the pain subsided in a few days as the stone passed. But, I'm being honest, it was rough.
- If I want to eat, I am the one who will do the grocery shopping, menu planning and the cooking. I don't have enough money to eat out, nor do I enjoy eating out that much. So, yeah, I have to take care of that. Plus, I grew up cooking for 4-6 people (at the least). Trying to cook only enough for 1-2 people is a task I haven't mastered yet.
- When you're single at age 32, most of your friends are married. Heck, most of your former youth group kids are married. Something magical happens....your now married friends just can't relate to your single person problems anymore. Most issues being faced as a single person aren't "adult" problems, so they just have trouble understanding why you can't just deal with it. I can't count how many times, just from my late-twenties until now that I have been told "oh, you'll understand what 'real' problems are when you get married".
- Another point - being treated like a child. For some reason, even though I'm going to turn 33 this summer, I'm still too immature and stupid to understand the same problems that somehow the 19-year-olds that got married last summer totally understand. (Unless this problem is in regards to sex, I fully do NOT understand this logic.)
- I do have more free time in that I don't have to devote time to a husband (or child), but that doesn't mean I never do anything. Honestly, every week, I am serving or involved in a ministry role at least 3 nights a week, many weeks that is 5 nights. Yep, if you did the math correctly, that means I don't really have that much free time.
- It can be really lonely being alone so much of the time. Yes, I know that it's easy to be lonely when you're with someone. But it's a LOT more easy to be lonely when you're by yourself. When you just want someone to talk to, whether or not they offer a solution, just someone to share life with. Which can easily lead to the next issue.
- It's easy to be labeled as the "needy" one or the "complainer", especially in church. I do turn to God and share with Him. But sometimes you need a real person before you in physical flesh to share your problems, your heart, your thoughts with. If it's a problem, I'm going to appear needy when everyone else, or at least most people at your church are married. I may not even need their help in finding the answer, I may just need someone to listen, as I don't have the built-in sounding board of a spouse.
- The list of "he/she used to be one of my closest friends" becomes longer after every wedding you attend (or are many times in). It is the way it's supposed to happen, for two lives to become one, those two need to spend lots of time together. And now there are two families' worth of family obligations. When the love of the couple produces a child, that's where their attention needs to be. So, even though everyone says it will never happen, friendships naturally have to take a huge dive on the priority list.
- Sometimes, at the end of a horrible day, you just want someone to hold you in their arms, tell you that you're not a total failure at everything you've attempted and that you are, indeed, going to make it through this life without having a breakdown.
- If you happen to say "I can see myself being content even if I'm single until I die", you will get looks (from marrieds and singles) that will make you think you have a tail growing - out of your shoulder. Content - we're told to learn to be content regardless of our circumstances. Marital status is a circumstance, neither option is the end-all to happiness. And, God doesn't say to learn to be "happy", His Word says to be "content".
My situation as a single adult is different than many in that I'm living at my childhood home and am my father's caregiver. So, the decisions I make don't just affect myself, but my dad as well, which can seriously add to the pressure of making the right choices. And, I have to make EVERY decision, including all of those "adult" ones whether or not I want to make them, by myself.
I am so thankful that God cannot break His Word, that He will never leave me nor forsake me. That He loves me. That He loves to hear from me and loves to comfort me. I'm convinced that being an older single adult is definitely not for the faint of heart. I know that breakdown would have happened long ago if it weren't for the Lord providing His strength! And I am forever grateful for His great love!!
Since I'm single, I don't have to worry about looking good all of the time for my husband. Yeah, because you never want to look good for a potential spouse that you might randomly meet.
I don't have to worry about keeping my house clean. Yeah, because I love living in total filth when I'm alone.
I don't have to worry about meal planning. Yep, if I'd just quit eating, I'd probably start to look better, but then again, I don't have to worry about that. Oops, I already forgot.
I don't have to worry about schedules at all, since I'm the single, care-free gal! Yeah, us single folks, we never have to be anywhere on time, we can just show up to anything whenever we want. And those friends of ours who are married and have kids, they don't mind if we show up 3 hours later than the agreed-upon time, because we're single and sure they'll understand.
I am free all of the time to take on any volunteer role in the church with ALL of the free time I have, since I don't have anything else going on. Yes, I may have a little more time available to serve in the church than my married friends. However, when every ministry has this attitude, I end up being booked at least 5 nights a week, and many times more.
Yes, I'm using sarcasm here, but I'm honestly not trying to be rude. I'm just being honest regarding the things I've heard and personally been told. I fully understand that being married is hard. How could it not be? Two people who are supposed to live as one. That's two separate, individual free-wills trying to join together and operate as one. That has to be hard! I would not argue that at all. In fact, that's a part of the reason I'm not married...I understand how difficult that would be, so I have to be extremely 'picky' in whose proposal I accept.
Let me share with you part of the single-at-a-later-age-than-normal life that you might not find so glamorous. *Disclaimer: I am not trying to be mean, petty or ugly, I am simply sharing in honesty.
- While I do have independence (freedom as one married friend said), that can come with a cost. It's easy to forget I have to be totally dependent upon God, when I'm used to depending upon myself.
- EVERY decision that gets made is made by me. Again, while that may sound like freedom and independence, on a lot of bigger issues, it can be incredibly frightening. If I'd gotten married at 18 or 21, so few of the major life-changing decisions made in my life would have been made by just me.
- When I'm sick, I have no one who can run to the store to get my medicine or making me soup. Yes, I'm aware that many spouses don't do that (trust me, I have enough married friends who have shared this with me). And in regards to a cold or the flu, that's one thing. But, when it comes to have procedures or surgery done, I'm not only struggling alone with the decision, but also with the fact that I have no way to get home if I'm medicated. *Example: Last summer I went to the ER with HORRIBLE pain. I had a kidney stone - that caused the worst pain of any kidney stone since I was a kid. The doctor ordered a narcotic injection, but the waiting room was so full that I couldn't stay beyond 30 minutes, even though I couldn't drive for hours. So what happened you ask? I took 2 of my own extra-strength Tylenol and drove myself home. The vomiting finally stopped and the pain subsided in a few days as the stone passed. But, I'm being honest, it was rough.
- If I want to eat, I am the one who will do the grocery shopping, menu planning and the cooking. I don't have enough money to eat out, nor do I enjoy eating out that much. So, yeah, I have to take care of that. Plus, I grew up cooking for 4-6 people (at the least). Trying to cook only enough for 1-2 people is a task I haven't mastered yet.
- When you're single at age 32, most of your friends are married. Heck, most of your former youth group kids are married. Something magical happens....your now married friends just can't relate to your single person problems anymore. Most issues being faced as a single person aren't "adult" problems, so they just have trouble understanding why you can't just deal with it. I can't count how many times, just from my late-twenties until now that I have been told "oh, you'll understand what 'real' problems are when you get married".
- Another point - being treated like a child. For some reason, even though I'm going to turn 33 this summer, I'm still too immature and stupid to understand the same problems that somehow the 19-year-olds that got married last summer totally understand. (Unless this problem is in regards to sex, I fully do NOT understand this logic.)
- I do have more free time in that I don't have to devote time to a husband (or child), but that doesn't mean I never do anything. Honestly, every week, I am serving or involved in a ministry role at least 3 nights a week, many weeks that is 5 nights. Yep, if you did the math correctly, that means I don't really have that much free time.
- It can be really lonely being alone so much of the time. Yes, I know that it's easy to be lonely when you're with someone. But it's a LOT more easy to be lonely when you're by yourself. When you just want someone to talk to, whether or not they offer a solution, just someone to share life with. Which can easily lead to the next issue.
- It's easy to be labeled as the "needy" one or the "complainer", especially in church. I do turn to God and share with Him. But sometimes you need a real person before you in physical flesh to share your problems, your heart, your thoughts with. If it's a problem, I'm going to appear needy when everyone else, or at least most people at your church are married. I may not even need their help in finding the answer, I may just need someone to listen, as I don't have the built-in sounding board of a spouse.
- The list of "he/she used to be one of my closest friends" becomes longer after every wedding you attend (or are many times in). It is the way it's supposed to happen, for two lives to become one, those two need to spend lots of time together. And now there are two families' worth of family obligations. When the love of the couple produces a child, that's where their attention needs to be. So, even though everyone says it will never happen, friendships naturally have to take a huge dive on the priority list.
- Sometimes, at the end of a horrible day, you just want someone to hold you in their arms, tell you that you're not a total failure at everything you've attempted and that you are, indeed, going to make it through this life without having a breakdown.
- If you happen to say "I can see myself being content even if I'm single until I die", you will get looks (from marrieds and singles) that will make you think you have a tail growing - out of your shoulder. Content - we're told to learn to be content regardless of our circumstances. Marital status is a circumstance, neither option is the end-all to happiness. And, God doesn't say to learn to be "happy", His Word says to be "content".
My situation as a single adult is different than many in that I'm living at my childhood home and am my father's caregiver. So, the decisions I make don't just affect myself, but my dad as well, which can seriously add to the pressure of making the right choices. And, I have to make EVERY decision, including all of those "adult" ones whether or not I want to make them, by myself.
I am so thankful that God cannot break His Word, that He will never leave me nor forsake me. That He loves me. That He loves to hear from me and loves to comfort me. I'm convinced that being an older single adult is definitely not for the faint of heart. I know that breakdown would have happened long ago if it weren't for the Lord providing His strength! And I am forever grateful for His great love!!
