Thanksgiving!

Well, it's officially Thanksgiving 2011. The turkey has been baked & meat pulled off the bird. The noodles have been made (about 4 times extra). And I even have some homemade Christmas ornaments in the oven baking. I got everything for my tomorrow morning "to do" list finished, except for peeling the potatos. And Daddy has graciously said he'd do that for me! :) I'm trying not to be too pleased with myself, but I managed to get all of that finished after baby-sitting Ryan all day, and while taking meds for a nasty UTI and some kidney problems.

This year for Thanksgiving, Daddy & I will be at home, just the two of us. We were invited to be with family, but since I'm not feeling so great, we're going to hang out at home. I was worried that this would be hard for Daddy. But he seems to be quite OK with the arrangement.

I am so thankful for the peace and joy God gives us!

What if I'm wrong....

The longer I'm alive, the more I'm aware of how much I know and keenly aware of how much I don't know. Especially when it comes to theology, religions, etc. I long ago discovered that those within the Christian faith have many different beliefs and ideas. Even with those differences, most of them fall into the category of believing that there is 1 God. He is exists in the beauty of the Trinity - Father, Son and Holy Spirit...three parts in perfect unity. Most believe that God (the Father) sent Jesus (the Son) who died on the cross so that we may be forgiven of our sins. And once we've confessed our sins and proclaimed Jesus as Lord of our life, the Holy Spirit dwells within us for the remainder of our time on this earth. How this knowledge is applied to our every day life and how it affects us begins to break up the different denominations within the Christian faith.


In the past few years, I've realized I have more friends that are atheist or agnostic than ever before. I read the emails, comments and links provided by my friends. And at times, I get to thinking...what if I'm the one who's got it all wrong? What if there is no God? What if there is no life after this?

So, what if I'm wrong? If my friends are right, and there is no life after this present one, when I die, my body will be buried (or cremated) and nothing more will happen. That's it...I'm just dead. Game over. The sacrifices I've made to live a "Godly" life mean nothing because there's no eternity. The tough times I've gone through in this life were many times in vain because how I reacted and dealt with the realities in my life didn't really matter. Trying to maintain love and joy during difficult times was really stupidity on my part. Yes, I should still try to be a good person, as society dictates, but there was no real reason for me to not be bitter, angry, full of hate. When my mom suffered through almost 3 years of cancer treatments and then died, I may as well have just been angry. When I remain single because I'm waiting for the best guy for me instead of settling, I should really just settle and then be filled with hatred. When I don't understand the circumstances of my life, I might as well choose to react out of bitterness because, after all, this was not how I thought my life would be!

But wait. If I'm angry my mom died, filled with hate over being single and bitter because of circumstances, WHAT am I angry with? WHO am I hating and bitter toward? This part confuses me. Am I mad at other people? Do I hate "the universe" because all of the cells that conglomerated in the Big Bang and evolved into humanity as we know it had apparently plotted against me? If I didn't believe there's a higher power anywhere, upon whom do I take out all of that rage and anger?

For argument's sake, though, let's say that I'm not wrong. Let's say that there is a God. He's in control and things in life don't happen for no reason. Let's say that He has a reason for the way that things go. Yes, bad things do happen...and even to His people who strive to live a life for Him. Sometimes, it seems especially to those who live for Him. What if the Bible is true? What if bad things happen because we live in a world that sin entered? What if He really did send His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for every individual's sins? What if He allows trials and tests to take place so that, as the Bible says, will draw near to Him, will learn to trust Him?

What if I'm not wrong and when these bodies die, it isn't really over? What if there really is a Heaven and Hell? What if He really meant it when He said in the Bible that there's no way to Heaven except by asking forgiveness and making Him the lord of our lives? What if, when this body dies, He really is the Judge, that He says He will be, and if you don't make Him lord of your life, believe in Him and live a life for Him, He really will send your soul to Hell for all eternity?

Those are some pretty big "what if's". And I don't know about you, but I'm not ready to be on the wrong side of this one! If I'm the one who's wrong and there's really no God (I guess I made Him up), then what harm has been done? I've lived a good, clean life and die contentedly....and my body rots and that's it. But what if you're wrong? When you die, if you haven't accepted Him, you'll pay for it for all eternity in Hell.

The good news? If you're still breathing, it's not too late to confess you've sinned against Him, ask His forgiveness, turn away from your sins (with His help of course) and make Jesus the Lord of your life!!

Animals more important than children?!

As a disclaimer, I would like to state that I do not hate animals. I, or my family, have owned at least 1 dog every year of my life..sometimes 4. We also had rabbits in the barn, some of which were made into house pets. I'm not a huge cat fan as I am horridly allergic to them (and they just aren't as lovable as dogs). But I do not hate animals.

Having said that, I'm definitely not going to be on PETA's list of people to recruit as a spokesperson. I mean, I'm not overly fond of killing an animal simply for its fur or skin. However, I'm most definitely a carnivore, so I'm aware that for my daily diet, some animals have been killed. And that thought doesn't keep me awake at night. In fact, with an ambien, I manage to sleep quite well. :)

What does keep me awake at night? When I think of all of the children, in our country and around the globe, who have no parents, no home, nobody that loves or wants them...this is something that can keep me awake and in prayer at night. Children who are severely abused and neglected, yet no one cares enough to be bold & call to report the family. I grew up in a poor household with a disabled father. Times got hard and money was tight. But I NEVER went without shelter, food and clothing. And I ALWAYS knew the love of my parents (and grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, church family, etc). I can never imagine what it would have been like if my parents had not fed me, nor what it would do to me if my parents had beaten me on a regular basis. I cannot imagine what these little ones go through who have to live on the streets. Who have to beg for, or even steal, their food. Who don't know if they'll make it through the night without being raped or kidnapped & sold into the sex slave trade. As I type those things, my heart hurts SO much, and honestly, my stomach feels sick.

OK, so I have a heart for orphans & basically all children...why am I writing this? Well, it's because of the spot that children have in my heart, that I get so beyond irritated with our society. At least once an hour, regardless of what channel I'm watching, I hear a Sarah McLachlin song come on a commercial and the famous Hollywood celebrity tells me that the abuses these animals face are horrible. And I should send money to keep animals from being abused or homeless.

Why does that irritate me? Well, for one, it could be that other than maybe in April (which is child abuse awareness month), I never see people saying that we should send money for kid in foster care or that are orphaned. Or, it could be because the same people who are spokespersons on those types of commercials are also HUGE supporters of abortion. To me, when a society points out the "inhumane treatment" of animals, yet they fight tooth & nail for the rights to KILL unborn CHILDREN, it sends the message that animals are more important that our children.

I mean, really, what kind of message does that send to our children, our future and our present? "Well, you're lucky you were born, because abortion is legal and we thought about it. Don't get us wrong, we're good people. We send money to animals shelters all of the time to help those poor innocent animals, but we just weren't for sure we had enough money to have you, so we had to consider killing you because you might not have a good life." Wow...that would make me feel so loved by my parents, wouldn't it you?!

Heartbroken...

Tonight while I was checking Facebook & twitter before getting ready for bed, the TV was on in my room. I don't know what channel it was on...but all of the sudden my heart was gripped by what I was hearing.

I watched a clip about a family in Guatemala whose son & daughter needed hearing aids. Someone had bought them hearing aids a while back, but they only had enough batteries for a month...and couldn't afford (or get to) new batteries. They looked to be teenagers, yet the girl had only successfully passed 1st grade and the boy hadn't even completed that much, because they couldn't hear. The parents talked of how it broke their hearts, but to get a bus ticket to the city where they could buy 2 batteries would cost an entire month's salary for them. So the kids worked hard, but in silence. This organization went down, took them to a hearing specialist, bought them new hearing aids & 10-year supply of batteries!

When I hear stories like this, tears are in my eyes and my heart aches. And then I remember different times I would be walking down my own street in Guangzhou, China, and see children begging...sometimes missing limbs, blind or looking emaciated. There were more times than I can remember that I emptied my wallet and cried because I didn't have more to give them. These are the moments I wish God had called me into a high-paying field and blessed me with a full-time job. (Mission work and worship leading isn't really for those seeking to get rich quick! ha!)

And then I stop to realize that sometimes I've been able to callous my heart in those moments...justifying that my money is from God & He wants to bless me for serving Him...and someone else will just have to provide for those people. I'm not saying that God doesn't want those who do His work to have nice things, don't get me wrong. But, I have to be careful to remember He entrusted me with that money, He didn't give it to me. And the nice things, He entrusted me with those too. They're really His, not mine.

When I keep the mindset that all money & things are really God's that He's lending to me, it makes it so much easier to give to "the least of these" among us. My prayer is that He keeps reminding me, and I keep my spirit open to hear those soft whispers & feel the gentle nudges to help others with whatever I have to give.

Even if I don't have money or material items to give, I always have Jesus to share with them...and, honestly, He's what we all need!

June 12th, My Momma, Carol & Heaven's gain

Well, it's June 12th. A date more commonly known at our house as "Momma's birthday". Sometimes it's hard to believe this is the second June 12th that she's not here with us. Other times, well, some days it seems like it's been soo long since I've seen her, given her a hug or heard her voice. My pastor told me once (regarding a different issue) that "time callouses all wounds". I think it's true, though. I mean, some hurts I don't know that we "heal" from, we don't necessarily "get over" them, but God helps us to make a new "normal" for ourselves. And, over time, those stings that we feel in this life just sting a little bit less.

I'm not saying I don't miss my momma. Don't get me wrong. I miss her a lot. But, I was blessed with parents and grandparents that were such good teachers, and they taught us that death is a natural part of life. And as sure as you're born, you will die. It happens. And for those of us still living, life has to go on. We can't just curl up in a ball and quit life, we have to keep going. And I know my mom wouldn't want me to crawl into a corner and quit. She told me as much herself! She also told me that she might be selfish, but she was secretly a little glad to know that I'd cry tears after she was gone. She wasn't glad she'd be leaving us, nor that we'd miss her so much & our hearts would hurt, but she was being honest. And honestly, who doesn't want to know that they're deeply missed because they were deeply loved?!

In other news tonight, I got a message a few hours ago that my friend Carol, who also battled ovarian cancer, finished her fight Saturday evening. I only knew her for 10 months, but in those 10 months, she became such a good friend. And a family member, as she's part of God's family! I will miss her too!

I have to be honest and say that I am grateful that both Momma & Carol are not suffering from their horrid disease any longer! And I'm jealous of them both - that they're in the presence of God right now!

I've studied the Bible my whole life. And after my grandparents died, I started studying what it says about Heaven a little closer. And when Mom got sick, I started studying even harder. Today....I still don't understand how things work in Heaven. I think I understand that we will know people from this life, and we will continue to meet new people. I don't think people in Heaven can see us down here as I don't know how that works with the "no tears" policy Heaven has. I fear that my loved ones there would be sad when they witness me screwing up and sinning yet again. I could be wrong...but that's my current conclusion. :)

I really do believe that we'll continue to make new friends, though. And I can almost see my mom and Carol meeting. They'll be able to share their victory stories of having won their battles with ovarian cancer. Yes, they did die and leave their Earthly bodies...but the beauty in that, they're completely healed now! No more cancer! God wins! And for that fact, I wouldn't wish for either of them to come back. As my pastor said at Mom's funeral "we wouldn't wish for her to come back from Heaven, because even if she had a perfectly healthy body, she would still have to die again one day".

So, yeah, I miss my momma. And I already miss my friend. But, it makes that song I grew up singing in church "Heaven's getting sweeter every day" seem all the more true. The more years I live on this Earth, the more treasures I have in Heaven!

For those of you who never knew my Mom...here's a pic of her on her 58th birthday!

Mawwiage...

What am I looking for in a husband? Being 31 and single for all of those 31 years, this is a question I've pondered before. However, the past few years of my life have been filled with such craziness that the thought of a husband entering the picture, well, it wasn't really much of a thought. For the year I was in China, it was a contractual issue that there would be no dating. Upon returning to the States, I moved to Florida for a few months and then came back to Illinois. Not staying in any one place longer than a few months didn't seem to lead to any lasting relationships. Then my mom was diagnosed with cancer and the following 3 years were spent desiring time to sleep...forget hoping/praying for a man, I was excited at the prospect of sleeping for more than 4 consecutive hours! Since Mom's been gone, I'm still with my dad full-time, but there's only one parent now, and I've gotten some rest and had time to think.

Last week, a friend told me that she's praying for me...for many things, but one of the specifics is for the husband that God has for me. So this took my thoughts where they hadn't really been in a while. Marriage. And that lead to me doing what I think I do best...asking questions!!

Do I feel that marriage is a desire God's laid upon my heart or something I feel I'm suppose to desire because society says it's good? Could I live contentedly as a single person until I die or Jesus comes back, if that's what God asks of me? If marriage is in His plan for my life, what exactly am I looking for? What are the qualities in a man that are non-negotiable and what are those that are just preferences?

Honestly, over the years, I've learned that I am a fairly girly-girl....well I have my moments at least. But for being as girly as I am, I am quite possibly the least romantic girly-girl in history! Don't get me wrong, I love romantic gestures...flowers, love notes, etc. What I mean is that I cringe when I hear lines in a movie such as Jerry McGuire "You complete me." Uh, no. I don't think that's how it is supposed to work. God says that He is enough for me, His grace is sufficient...I think that kinda means I'm already complete as long as I have Him. He created Adam & said that it wasn't good for man to be alone, so He created Eve as Adam's helpmeet. They were made to compliment one another, not complete each other. He said "two shall be one", not two halves will become one. And I don't buy into the notion of "falling in love". If that were true, you could just as easily "fall out of love". Love is a decision, it is a choice that we make. And I am old enough & have enough married friends to know, some days that choice is harder to make than others. But it's still a choice, not an emotion.

I know that marriage is a desire of my heart, but what I'm trying to figure out is whether I put it there or if God placed that desire there. I do know that my heart's desire is also to adopt. And as much as I've prayed, I do not feel led to adopt without being married. So if adoption is to happen, He will send the right man into my life.

So what am I looking for in a husband? My list is pretty different now than when I was, say, 15. haha I no longer desire the perfect man that is just the right mix of rugged manliness, yet has a great sense of fashion; has the best sense of humor in the world, yet can be serious the moment I need him to be; has to be strong and masculine, yet be able to show his more vulnerable side at a moment's notice. I've come to realize I will never meet a perfect man other than Jesus. And that's a good thing, because I would hate the thought that God would pair me with a perfect man - I know exactly how horribly flawed I am!!

Non-negotiables, though, include a man whose heart has completely been given to the Lord. A man that seeks the Lord before making decisions, and seeks Godly counsel. A man whose prayer life is the strongest part of him. A man that realizes and accepts no matter how hard I may try, I will never be perfect towards him. But he also knows that my heart's desire is to be pleasing unto the Lord; that we would spur one another on in our relationship with the Lord. I want a marriage that would be a partnership of serving the Lord faithfully. A man that is spiritually mature, so that I would have no qualms about placing him in a place of spiritual authority over me, as he would become the spiritual head of our household. A man who knows how to be a man, who knows how to lead people to God. I know that he will not be all of these things all of the time, because he will be human (unless there's a real life Superman out there! haha), but this man...his heart would strive to be these things at all times! I would also love to have someone that is just there for me, to give me a hug, hold me when I cry, scratch that spot in the middle of my back that I can never quite reach!! ha

I don't care so much what he looks like, though I gotta admit that I'm a sucker for curly hair. He doesn't have to sing or play an instrument, though those make me swoon! ha He doesn't have to have a wonderful job with great pay. He doesn't have to be in full-time ministry. He doesn't have to have the world's most perfect smile, although perfectly straight teeth would definitely have been a selling point for my mama!! He just has to have a heart that smiles with the love of the Lord. He doesn't have to have the darkest of brown eyes or the deepest of blue. He just has to have eyes that are full of the love of the Lord.

I know that if God does have marriage in store for me, He is all-knowing. So God knows exactly what characteristics this man and I possess, the qualities that would cause us to strive for a relationship that encourages us both towards the Lord. One that would cause us both to desire to love each other and other people even more with the love of the Lord than we have in the past!

And the crazy ride that I've had in walking with the Lord has shown me that if I am to never marry, I can be content. He has proven more times than I can count that He is more than enough for me. And He will always provide my needs.

Resurrection Day...

Another Easter has passed. I prefer calling it Resurrection Day, but even within the Church it seems hard to get away from calling it "Easter". I love this holiday. I love knowing that my Savior physically died on a cross for me. I know that it was for all humanity, and I know that He was completing His Father's Will. but that doesn't change the fact that He did it for ME! How humbling is that!

but that's not the end of the story! He was laid in the tomb on Friday, but on Sunday - He came back! He defeated Hell and the grave! Yeah, my physical body will die one day..."all flesh is grass...the grass withers away". But my spirit won't stay with the dead flesh I will one day shed. He came back in His resurrected body. And I will get one of those one day too! All because He made it possible 2000 years ago!

And I think the one of the things that blows my mind the most (although a lot of things blow my mind) is that He's going to keep that physical form FOREVER! We know that when He saw the people after His resurrection and before the ascension, He had a body that was flesh and bones. Do you know what that means?! In Heaven, right now, there is a God-Man (Jesus) interceding in prayer on our behalf before His Father! Fully God, fully man. I don't pretend to know how that works, but I know that everytime I study the Scripture, it resonates with the spirit inside of me!

And what's even more awesome - He's not staying in Heaven! He's coming back again!!! He's coming back on that Great & Terrible Day of the Lord. He's coming back to claim His inheritance - the nations! The ones He's been praying for to the Father! He's coming back to claim His Bride!

I can't imagine what it would have been like to be one of the people who saw Jesus in His resurrected body after watching Him be crucified. But I know something that would have been hard for them to grasp....I know the end of the story!! The story didn't end when He died on the cross, it didn't end when He come back that Sunday, it didn't end when He ascended into Heaven. He's coming back! The story is still taking place! He loves us, He's praying for us and He's coming back for us! Oh what joy that fills my soul at the thought of it all!!!

Sin Again?? Really??

Why can't I seem to get a grasp on this sinning thing?! Really!! I've been following the Lord since I was 10 and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. So, wouldn't one think that by age 31, I'd have this sin mess figured out? I've been following Him for a little over 2/3 of my life...I mean, if you've done something for 2/3 of your life, you should have it down, right?

Well, honestly, I don't think anyone gets it down completely. I don't think we'll truly accomplish that until we see Him face to face. What I do know (and there are almost too many Scriptures to try to pick one) is that He forgives my sin. Even if I mess up everyday, He still forgives me because He loves me. And He's in the grace business. I John 1:8-9 "8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Oh the faithfulness and justice of the Lord!! Oh how thankful I am for Him & His love!!

Does this mean I stop striving for a life without sin? No! I will strive for that until I meet Him in the flesh! Paul explains in Romans 7 how we know God's law, but our flesh takes us where we don't want to go and into things we don't want to do.

Sometimes I'm very thankful that I'm the only one that reads my blog...my own online diary. I know that this is a bunch of ramblings typed out, partly due to a sleeping pill kicking in (haha). But partly because this is how my brain works when I'm working things out with the Lord. He is able to follow the bunny trails that my brain takes! Actually, He knows where my thoughts are going before I do. And He gently guides me through all of these trails until I see Truth. He leads me through His Word to Truth. He leads me unto Himself - Truth! And I know that regardless of how garbled my thoughts may be, He is my Rock. He's the One who is Truth. I can always come back to the fact that He loves me, He died on the cross bearing my sins so that I may be forgiven, and that He will never leave me. He will continue guiding me on the path that leads me closer to Him. Some days I'll do better than others. Some days I'll fall a lot harder than others. Some days my mood will be better than others. But I know that no matter what's going on with me, He is unchanging! His love, forgiveness, grace and presence will never change, never leave, never go away!! And for that, I'm so thankful!!!

Faith persists...

How many times have you been asked to pray for some one's healing? How many times by the same person for the same thing?

If you attend church regularly or are a member of a church body, you've most likely been asked to pray for the same person multiple times, and many times for the same healing.

I've spent time pondering this and in discussion with the Lord on this area this past week. I know that I'm a bit close to the subject, so I want to fully disclose up-front that I may be skewing what I've heard from the Lord. I don't think this is the case, but I'm human, so I'm aware of the possibility.

Here's the situation that made me start thinking this week. I have fibromyalgia, acid reflux, degenerative arthritis, chronic sinusitis, as well as multiple food and drug allergies. I'm not whining, I'm just stating. None of these things are life-threatening (well except the allergies ha) and if I take my medicine, I can mange. And some days I feel lots better than other days. But I want to be healed of these things, I desperately do. So every time I'm with a body of believers and I feel that gentle tug of the Holy Spirit telling me to ask for prayers for healing, I do. I believe the Bible to be the written Word of God. So when I read James 4:2 "You do not have because you do not ask God." or Hebrews 4:16 "Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." I have to believe that God truly meant I need to ask Him for what I have need of, that I need to boldly come before His throne asking for Him to meet my needs. And I know that He also says that in James 5:16 "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective". So if this is true, I need as many righteous people praying. There are many other Scripture that support sharing our prayer needs with one another, lifting one another up in prayer and bearing with one another.

So, why is it that when someone in the Body of Christ asks for prayer (albeit a repeated one), we may roll our eyes, or even ask "Are you STILL having trouble with that?" or "Wow! what ISN'T wrong with you?" I know that these things happen within the Body because I've had each of these done to me within the past 2 weeks. I'm not pointing fingers or placing blame, just something that God pointed out to make me aware. I've been guilty of doing the same thing myself. Being asked to pray for the same person, for the same thing for the umpteenth time and thinking to myself "ugh, why do they just keep asking?" I think we all do that because it's human nature. Plus, when we're healthy, it's easy to not understand the person's issue. Or when we're dealing with pain of our own, it's easy for the thought to pop into our heads "you're not so special, this is a fallen world and we all have pains that we have to live through. I'm pushing through mine silently, so why don't you quit complaining?" We may not say that out loud, but even though I'm not a betting person, I'd wager that thought has entered into many people's mind...even if but for a moment.

I don't know why I hurt and don't feel good. I don't know why my family has a long line of various illnesses and disease. I have prayed regarding generational things and, thus far, the Lord hasn't shown me anything in that area. I do know, though, that I come from a strong lineage of people who didn't just claim to be Christians, but walked it out in their everyday life, in the mundane moments. And I know that many of them heard the same words I've heard and saw the same eye-rolls I've seen when they asked God for their healings. Some of them received their healings on Earth, others in that glorious moment they entered into God's Presence.

I guess the biggest reason this weighed so heavily upon my heart is because of what I heard the Lord say. I heard Him say that this is part of the reason we are not seeing the healings that He spoke of. Remember, He said that we'd do "even greater works than these" and He was raising up bodies from the dead! Did you ever notice, though, that healings took place when the people went to Jesus, or had people go on their behalf, believing Jesus could heal them? If we want to compare ourselves to others and deem them as big babies, we may be keeping them from receiving a healing, and ourselves from the tremendous reward of blessing of our faith. If we don't pray because we're just tired of praying for that person's healing of the same thing, well, that doesn't say much for our perseverance, does it?

I don't want the reason that we aren't seeing healing take place to be that we are insensitive to people that ask for our prayers. Yes, my feelings were hurt this week. I'll get over it. God will give me the strength to forgive the person, whether they even realized their actions or words were hurtful. I will get over it. But I know that I've been blessed by those generations who have gone before me, loving the Lord in good times and in bad. I know that God answered their prayers and strengthened them. I know that He blessed their persistence to keep coming before His Throne. I've served my Lord for more than 2/3 of my life and He's proven Himself over and over to me. So I know that He will be faithful...it's written all over my past with Him.

But what about the new believer? Or the non-believer? It takes a certain element of humility to ask God for a healing for ourselves. So often we allow ourselves to be disqualified because we know of someone much worse off than we are. But I think it takes a different level of humility to ask other people to pray for a healing. Not only are we acknowledging our dependency on the Lord, but we're also acknowledging our co-dependency upon His body - the one that He engineered. He specifically puts other believers into our lives so that we have a brother or sister to encourage us along the way.

This week, I pray, that the Lord helps us by making us aware of our reactions to people when being asked to pray for healing. That we would not be found comparing ourselves to them...rather than silently pushing through our own pain, why don't we also ask, in turn, for prayers for our own healing? That we may be found lifting one another before the Throne of God, asking for healings because we don't want to be guilty of "having not because we ask not". That even though we may not see immediate healing, we keep pressing in, we keep pushing into His Presence.

In this world, there will be pain and strife. God's already promised us that. And some of us may never receive a healing on this Earth. And we have to come to terms with that...work that out with the Lord...that He's God, He's Sovereign, He chooses who gets healed and who doesn't. But that's His job, not ours. I'm reminded of what He's told me many times before "I didn't tell you to go around healing people, I simply asked you to pray that I heal them, healing is My job."

So as for me and my house, we will continue to contend for healings!

Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On

I'm a news junkie. It's true. I feel like I'm in a support group. Hello. My name is Meredith and I am a news junkie. At least one television in my house may be found on a news station roughly 20 hours per day. If I am not at home, you will find me checking news sources via internet either on my laptop or my android. I like to be kept informed. It's a part of who I am. I don't like to be left in the dark...I want to know what's going on.

I also like to keep updated on the news so that I know how to be praying. Holy Spirit does guide us in our prayers, I'm not discounting His role in praying at all. I guess, though, for the times I'm not hearing Him clearly, I like to see the specifics.

In case you're not a news junkie like me...let me tell you of a few things going on.

• America's economy is collapsing. Yeah, we've had a little improvement recently...I think I heard unemployment claims were dropping. I have my own theory on this though...I think some people have hit the time limit on unemployment benefits.
• Egypt is in some massive turmoil. Right now as I type, they're waiting for Pres Mubarak to make a statement that he's going to be stepping down as president. This causes a lot of concern because an election should take place in 60 days and, from what I hear, the only group that's organized enough to win an election is The Muslim Brotherhood. If you're unfamiliar with the Muslim Brotherhood - as many are - here's their creed: "Allah is our objective, the prophet is our leader, the Koran is our law, Jihad is our way, dying in the way of Allah is our highest hope." Yeah...that's the wonderful peace-loving way of Islam...but I digress.
• Australia has a lot of land under water, as they've been hit with storms and a cyclone. Brazil has been hit with floods. Places within America have faced weather than is uncommon for their regions. These are just a few in the list of natural disasters that have been taking place in, what seems to me, a much more frequent rate than in the past.

These are just a few things that I'm seeing. Right now, the biggest thing being aired on the news is Mubarak's stepping down in Egypt. As I watch the news, especially over the past year and past few months, I keep hearing the verses from Hebrews 12 resonate in my spirit.
26 At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, “Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.”[e] 27 The words “once more” indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain. 28 Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, 29 for our “God is a consuming fire.”
I keep hearing "shakings". God has promised that He will shake the Earth once again. He will shake away everything that is not built on Him. He loves us too much to let us continue building upon faulty foundations. It is out of His great love and mercy that He shakes away/destroys all that "can be shaken". Anything that is not based in Him and on His Word can and WILL be shaken. He's promised already us that much.
I see so many Americans worried about the economy. Don't get me wrong...I have my moments too. What if the economy totally collapses? What if I can't buy food to feed my family? How do I continue to live comfortably when I know the homeless rate is growing at alarmingly high rates? Am I prepared to live through, what may very well become, the greatest depression my nation faces? I have only one answer to my questions. I hear Holy Spirit reminding me of Deuteronomy 31:8 "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” I know that regardless, I will be OK. The Lord will be with me, and He assures it will be OK. Even if things were get to our 'worst case scenario' and conditions become so bad that I lose my physical life, I'm more than OK because I'm with Him in that moment!
What concerns me the most is that I fear many Americans (and other nations...I watched the riots in Europe, but this is where I live) put their faith in America's economy even moreso than the Lord. I believe that's why He's been shaking the economies of the world...He's shaking as a wake-up call. I can almost hear Him "Hello? Wake up! It's time that you quit putting your faith into man-made systems. I promise that all you truly need is Me! I love you too much to not try to wake you up & catch your attention! I love you! I created you! Put your faith in Me!"
I saw many people turn to the Church and the Father when the economy was on such a downward slope recently. But what saddens me is that I've also seen many start to breathe easier and quit turning to the Father as the economy showed signs of improvement. It's almost like the days after 9/11. I saw so many people crying out to God for comfort, peace and safety. And once it seemed that our nation was once again safe, people became lulled into a false peace that told them they didn't need to cry out to God. I honestly believe this means there will be another shaking coming. And God is a good Father. Like any good parent, if what He did before didn't get your attention, He will increase the intensity next time. He's done it before...ever hear of the Israelites - His Chosen People? It's what He does to those He loves...He gets our attention in whatever way it takes!
This is what leads me to pray. I pray for those in my nation. I pray that they will turn to the Father rather than institutions of man. I pray that those who are His Children now will begin to pray! And that we, as His voices on Earth, would begin to share what we're hearing when we pray! That we would become voices in the wilderness. That we would truly be lights in the darkness! That the hearts of the people would turn to the Father!!

Time to take responsibility...

Over the past decade or so, I've seen a shift in our nation. Maybe it was already beginning and I just didn't notice it until I was 20. I think I started to really notice this shift when I was an undergraduate student working toward my Bachelor of Social Work degree. In Social Work, the phrase " stop blaming the victim" comes up quite frequently. And if it's used toward you, it's a bad thing! I was accused many times by professors and/or classmates of blaming the victim.

Now, mind you, I never blamed a person that was abused, or children that were neglected. I do not buy into "she was asking for it" when referring to a rape victim. I'm not cruel and heartless, I promise! When this phrase would be slapped onto my homework, usually it was a case of someone who had a lot of issues, yet someone else was always to blame. My theory in most of my papers & mock counseling sessions "take responsibility for your actions, quit blaming everyone else and move on". Now, I do realize there are some things that you really have to work through. I'm not at all saying you can just decide that you'll have no more issues today and "poof" they're all gone. No, that would be called "denial". (Or in some cases, God's instantaneous healing.) At some point, you have to say "I have no power to change the past, it is what it is, but I can choose to move forward today." And I do stand by my belief that in this nation, almost everyone is seen as a victim of something, therefore no one has to take the blame.

I see this happening in schools. Every year that I substitute teach, I notice the trend to worsen. I've been told by parents that it is NOT their child's fault that they didn't study for their tests...it's the TEACHER's fault for assigning too much work. The children hear their parents say this, and voila! we have a whole generation of people that are not responsible for their actions.

Just in recent events, the shooting in Arizona on Saturday is a prime example. According to some reports, this obviously unstable gunman in AZ shot these people because of political rhetoric from one or both sides. Really? Why can't we just say that it's the individual's fault for pulling the trigger & he's the one that should be held responsible for his actions? Maybe he had a bad home life. It's possible. Ya know what? Lots of people have bad childhoods, yet they don't shoot 19 people in a grocery store parking lot, killing 6 of them! Maybe he heard something on the news that set him off. But again, he didn't hear anything that thousands and/or millions others didn't hear, yet he was the only one shooting.

I think I've realized why it disheartens me so much when I see all of these adults taking a victim mentality & constantly finding someone else to blame. I think it's because each and every person is going to have to stand before God one day for judgment. And I know that He will not accept "well, You don't understand what happened to me, You don't know how they bullied me on the playground, etc, etc." I fear that many people will hear that they're not allowed to enter into eternity with God because they've never been taught nor taken responsibility for their own actions or deeds. Eventually the blame-game will end...I'm just saddened in how I think it will end in eternity away from God for many.

Hearing a call...

Just yesterday, I found myself in 2 different conversations regarding my 4-month stint with the New Life Drama Company. So, I started reminiscing. That means the good, the bad & the ugly comes to mind! My time with NLDC was quite the ride! Just getting there was a huge part of the ride!

In July of 2002, we had a NLDC team at church camp. This was probably the 2nd or 3rd time I'd seen various teams and I loved what they did! I loved their skits during devotions & services. And I truly appreciated that they served. They served the campers, but they also served the staff. It was common to see at least 2 of the 7 team members serving food in the cafeteria. They were sweeping floors in the dorms, cleaning bathrooms in the chapel, just finding little ways to serve us. And most of the time, it was without being asked to do so! At this time, I was working at the Clay County Counseling Center as a Social Worker at a job that I actually enjoyed. I worked with an adult program working with those in a residential home - teaching adult living skills. I also took Crisis Call, in which I counseled (and sometimes hospitalized) suicidal and/or homicidal people. It sounds crazy, but I really did like the job.

And liking the job as much as I did is what made what I heard that week at church camp even more weird. I remember sharing with my mom and a few close friends "I think I'm supposed to join NLDC...just for one tour, but I think I'm supposed to". Now, mind you, I had never done ANY acting...none at all! I wasn't even in school musicals because of my work study job. I had sang in front of people and spoke in front of people, but NEVER acted! So, feeling God calling me to this was really strange! And since it was so strange, the week after church camp ended...I calloused my heart toward the tug at my heart and tried to forget about it. Plus my mom had been having weird allergic reactions...and we didn't know to what. But in the 2 months prior to that week of camp, the hospital (where she worked) had called me 4 times that I needed to get there because she'd had a reaction and they were getting ready to intubate. Fortunately, they didn't have to, but once we had to call the ambulance to have her taken to ER and she had since had to carry AND use an epi pen. My dad couldn't drive and my sister was in college and working full time. So I was scared to leave my mom...what if she needed me during that time. What if she had a reaction and died because I wasn't there to call the ambulance. This all made it a little easier to ignore the tugging at my heart.

The next month, the counseling center was overtaken by a different agency. This new agency was one that I could not work under with a clear conscience. So I planned to not ask for re-hire through them and draw unemployment for a few months while job searching again. I also applied for my Substitute Teacher certification. The 3rd week of August, I was called to sub, and thus began a huge part of my life...but that's a different story! The last day of August, I felt that tug about NLDC so strongly that I couldn't really deny it. So I spoke to my parents and my pastor, called the NLDC office and began the application process. I sent my paperwork in the first week of September and waited and waited. I called the office and they said they'd lost my pastor's recommendation, but other than that, I was probably in. So on Wednesday, Sept 11, my pastor got the phone call & when I stopped by his house, he said "yeah, you're most likely in"! On Thursday, Sept 12, I got a phone call from NLDC Homebase. I was accepted & expected to report to Cleveland, TN on Sunday. That Sunday -- September 15th! AGH!! Talk about short notice!!

So I began choosing clothes "bring all seasons of clothing because you don't know which region of the nation you'll be assigned to" that fit into ONE medium suitcase. Yeah, one suitcase for 4 months! I had to raise mission support, so the Friday I sent out letters to every church and basically every Christian I knew! I had enough money in my checking account to pay the initial joining fee, but that was about it. And though the drama co paid for food and transportation, I still needed money for essentials (soap, shampoo, sodas @ gas stations, etc.) On Sunday morning, I shared with my church that I would be leaving that afternoon and be back for Christmas. I came home, had lunch with my parents and sister, and then I got into my car & drove to Cleveland, TN.

I listened to worship music the whole time (that I wasn't talking to my mom on my cell phone haha). I remember thinking..."I know NOTHING about acting! Maybe they'll let me be the person that runs the music for different skits. Maybe I'll be on a team that's big enough that I won't have to be in many skits! I have NO idea what I'm getting into!"

I was in my car, following a dream that God had recently put into my heart that I really did not understand. All that I did understand was this: God was calling me, and I had NO peace until I followed. And though I was nervous, scared and anxious for that whole trip, I still had the peace of God in my heart....and I knew that was all I needed.

Whew! Another holiday season is over...

The holiday season has now passed! Whew! It's almost as though I'm hearing a collective sigh throughout the region! haha I know that I'm not alone when I say that this holiday season seemed to be the longest, most exhausting. I've had well-meaning people tell me that it's because Mom wasn't here, but that's honestly not it. I can't pinpoint it, but other people have shared this comment...and they haven't lost loved ones. It was just a long and stressful season.

I'm pretty sure I know what the problem was for me. I fell back into trying to please people. I found myself more than once (or twice or 20 times) thinking "will this make so & so happy? will he/she be angry if I don't do this? I hope I don't disappoint anybody!" Ahh, there's the root of it! People-pleasing is all about not wanting to disappoint others. And while I'm not advocating that we purposefully disappoint people...I know that I need to remember that there's only One whose opinion and approval of me counts! I think that's why the season was so long for me...I forgot to ask Jesus what would make Him pleased with me. I genuinely love people and want to see them happy, but I let my priorities get out of whack!

Now I'm not one for making New Year's resolutions. They are almost always goals that are way too stinkin' high and unattainable. And that's what makes us become discouraged so quickly that we just give up rather than keep trying. So I'm not planning any resolutions for New Year's. I am, though, working to re-train my focus again.

I need for my focus to not be on myself or even others during this season. I feel that this is a season in which God is really calling me unto Himself. No, this doesn't mean I can quit taking care of my dad or stop talking to people altogether. What it does mean, though, is that I need to work on my priorities. If He's not my #1 priority, nothing else will be right. He has to be the foundation. Anything that's built on an unstable or cracked foundation will surely be destroyed. So no matter how many wonderful things I may do - even in His name, will crumble if He's not the foundation. So that's what I'm striving for...to put God first and foremost in a way I've not done yet. Not so much a New Year's resolution, but a daily (and sometimes momentary) resolution. And really, when I remember how much He loves me, how much He desires to spend time with me, to impart to me what He's feeling and what He's thinking....it makes it so much easier to remember to spend time with Him!