So I turned 30 last Saturday. That's right...the big 3-0!! I think I've dealt with it relatively well. I only had a few weeks of dreading it. But I think I said it aloud often enough before the day itself that I was ready to say "why yes, I am 30 years old".
Every few months or so, I try to take time for reflection. Where did I think my life was going? Am I there yet? Am I on the right track? Did I really hear the Lord say that this is the right direction? Turning 30 seemed like a good time to reflect. I began to think "What's the difference in my life now & what I thought it would be like 10 years ago?"
Ten years ago, I was celebrating my 20th birthday in my new apartment in Carbondale. I was beginning my junior year in college at Southern Illinois University - Carbondale. I had originally planned to attend Oakland City University (a small General Baptist college in Indiana), but the day before I was to register, I felt the Lord tell me I was to go to SIU. So I was a tad bit excited, but mostly anxious. I remember dreaming about what my life would be like in 10 years...when I turned 30! Here was the plan for my life: Finish my Bachelor's in Social Work at SIU in 2001. Work for Department of Child & Family Services....let them pay for my Master's in Social Work. Stay working at DCFS for 30 years and retire with a full state pension by age 55. I wanted to buy the 5 acres behind my parents' property and build a house by the creek. (It's really GORGEOUS there!) I wanted to meet a wonderful, Godly man that wanted to serve God with me in our local church. I wanted to travel around the US and the world! I wanted to get married around age 30 & (if I'm able to conceive and carry) have a baby around 32. Yep, that was my plan in a nutshell. I prayed over these things and didn't really hear God say yes or no, so I thought they must be good ideas.
Here's what really happened: I finished my Bachelor's in Social Work in May 2001 as planned. I did my internship at DCFS before graduation, but was unable to be hired without a year of experience. So I took a job at Lutheran CFS and worked there for only 3 months before realizing I DIDN'T like the job that well! Ahhh! Plans gone awry! I began working in outpatient mental health at the local Counseling Center. I really enjoyed this job, even though I didn't think I would at all. I started to see myself there for a long time, and then the agency dissolved!
It was during that time that God called me to apply to the New Life Drama Company. I had no experience in acting, nor did I think I would enjoy it, but I followed His lead. So I spent a tour (3 1/2 months) on the road with NLDC. My team toured Southern California, Arizona, Texas and Nevada. It was AMAZING! When I returned home, I began substitute teaching and LOVED it! So I applied and began a program at Oakland City (yes, the same one I didn't attend earlier) to complete my Master's of Arts in Teaching degree. It was a tough 14 months complete with school work, substitute teaching and then student-teaching, but in the end I finished the program & received my teacher's license! Only to find no teaching positions, so I continued substitute teaching, still loving it & working almost every day!
In 2005, I applied & interviewed for the job that I had student-taught. It was going to be perfect! I knew the school, knew the kids & faculty & already had 1/4 of the lesson plans done! The day before the school board made a decision, God called me to do His work in China for a year. The school board had decided not to hire me, which I realized was all of God's sovereign plan. If I had been given the position here, I may not have gone to China. I spent the 2005-2006 school year teaching English at South China Agricultural University in Guangzhou, China. God worked in so many tremendous ways in that mission field! It was beyond an amazing experience! Two weeks before I was to leave for china, the doctors saw a brain tumor on my dad's CT scan. They didn't know if he would survive the surgery at all, and if he did, they thought there could be significant memory loss. God and I had to wrestle about my obedience to follow Him -- my dad might not be alive when I came home, or he may not remember who I was! God blessed me with wonderful parents who were positive that God had called me to be a missionary & they requested I follow Him. My dad's words were "if I die from the tumor or surgery, it's OK because I know where I'm going....there's millions of Chinese people who need for you to go and tell them about Jesus so they can have Him too". Can parents be anymore wonderful?!?!
While I was in China, I was also blessed with the opportunity to visit missionaries in Davao City, Philippines TWICE! Wonderful place, beautiful people! Wen I returned home from my year overseas, I accepted a national missions position for 2 months working for a church plant in Florida. When I left Florida, I came back home - or as my mom calls it "Meredith's home-base". haha
I began substitute teaching again and remembered that I loved it! Shortly after I returned home, my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, so I understand why God had called me home. I was able to be with my parents 24/7 since I didn't have a full-time job. We've gone through chemo, remission, more chemo, horrid bowel obstruction ending in an ileostomy, and more chemo yet. And that's where I find things in my life on my 30th birthday!
So, is my life what I thought it would be? Not completely! I don't even work in Social Work anymore, I no longer have a desire to stay in Clay County, I've no prospects of marriage any time soon, and I'm the full-time caregiver for both of my parents. However, I was able to travel all over the US and a few places in this world, finish my Master's and serve my Jesus wherever He put me!
I'm not always glad about the circumstances in my life, but because of these circumstances (good and bad), I have fallen SO much more in love with my Jesus! And daily I'm learning more and more of His vast love for me as the Lover of my Soul, my Bridegroom, my Beloved!
In 10 years, when I turn (eeek) 40, I pray that I will look back on this time & say "Oh, that faith I thought I had. Oh, the love I thought I understood....I was such a baby in the Lord then!" I don't know where He will send me in the future, nor what job He will have me to do. But of this I am sure, as long as I am walking in His Will and following His steps, He will provide all of my needs and I will NEVER be alone!
